Tasteful Creams Err Tasteful Dreams
by PhoenixDiamond
Summary: "Sesshomaru you can't touch him." "Why not?" "He's 16" "So what." "That's illegal" "Your point?" "...We're going to jail." One would think the reason Sesshomaru brought this ice cream shop was to attract customers to try his signature cream right? Not... AU
1. You Didn't He Did

**Disclaimer**: I own nada and make nada.

**Author's Rant:** Ok this won't be a long fic and it's basically a spur of the moment idea so I really hope you guys enjoy it ^_^. Before I begin though please be aware that I do not in any way, shape or form encourage underage sexual intercourse between an adult and underager. This is JUST FOR HUMOR. With that out of the way I hope you enjoy. ^_^

**Warnings:** Perverted Sesshomaru. Language. OOCness.

**You Didn't….Yes He Did**

Yes he should be ashamed but he wasn't. Yes he should have a more discreet opinion on it but he didn't. At the very least his open appreciation of it should be confined within the strongest threshold with the ending initials P.D. but he could care less. As far as he was concerned there was not a thing wrong with it. And despite being warned on numerous upon numerous occasions, that didn't stop Sesshomaru from standing before this sizable building admiring the locations perfection. The absolute perfect purchase he's done in years. Perfect the perversity he had well hidden behind that expressionless face.

However two others weren't thinking the same magical twilight ideals their partner was.

"So, this is it?" Said the youngest of the trio Koga Espada, glancing around the torn down dump of a building.

"Yes."

The third partner Naraku Espada's left eye twitched. "And we're supposed to somehow transform this hunk of misery into a popular gather?"

"Yes."

The two demons shared a look before returning their haunted gazes to the building before them that has definitely seen better days. Perhaps '_better days'_ was putting it mildly. The entire structure looked as beaten as the undersides of Totosai's belly wrinkles. The frontal out post was covered from one side of the block to the other in waist tall weeds. The only view out of the building—a large panel window— was shattered most likely by a little delinquent and the remaining shards of glass were sheeted with a layer of green moss. What was once the front door now hung by one screw off the hinges, swinging with the occasional breeze.

Bottom line, this place was a straight mess.

With the lovely swish of long silver hair, Sesshomaru Espada calmly turned his stoic gaze to each disturbed man and said calmly, "Let's go," Before walking inside the barely balanced box building.

Naraku sighed and shook his head following behind the other man, with Koga reluctant to follow suit. He was still stuck as to the reason why they were even in this place. When Sesshomaru had informed them three days ago that he had a business proposition for them, Koga and Naraku had been up for the trade when learning of the possible profit. Since there wasn't another shop in miles, they didn't see the reason why they couldn't build a possible ice cream shop in the middle of town. With the closest one being ten miles away, it was more of a convenience for the citizens.

But as Koga scanned over the disgustingly dirty interior he was at a loss as to why this place was chosen out of all the other available buildings nearby. There was nothing attractive about the outer or inner prospects nor was there anything peeking his interests. He was the one in charge of advertising for this so how the hell was he supposed to make this look presentable enough for the customers.

When the three came to the center, Sesshomaru swirled around with his usual stoic facial, looking pointedly at both men, who in turn stared at him—one with a worried expression and the other slightly irritated.

"Your opinions?" Sesshomaru directed to both.

Naraku narrowed his eyes. "You want my honest opinion or my profitable opinion?"

"Either would suffice."

"Are you serious? Look at this place." Koga marched over to a pile of ragged tables and chairs and poked one of the rotten pieces with his foot. A mistake he learned the hard way when a cloud of dust suddenly erupted from the disturbance. As he backed away from the suffocating fog, his hand accidentally swiped a thick stingy substance. "Oh gross," he turned seeing a cob web stuck to his hand and waved it off, noticing the other layers of spider webs. "Damn I think Charlotte beat us here. I saw a web sayin' Some Pig."

"Then I take it you like the location." Sesshomaru nodded. "Excellent."

"Wait I never said—"

"Naraku your opinion would be appreciated." Sesshomaru asked to the last member.

"Very well," Naraku gave the place another glance around and pushed up the rim of his glasses. "In terms of honesty this building is ridiculously horrid and lacking any sort of taste. However profit wise I believe by some twisted miracle we could easily pull a decent profit to stay afloat for some time before earning a reasonable amount." Then he returned his hardened gaze back to the lead demon. "With that being said, how exactly do you plan on earning enough to meet the yearly earnings?"

Sesshomaru shrugged his right shoulder. "I have plenty of reason to know this will be the perfect area to provide our desired budget."

"You have resources that know this for a fact?"

"Yes," Sesshomaru walked pass flipping a strand of hair over his shoulder blade. "I happen to know this will be the most well established environment for the customers we aim for."

"Oh? And you have evidence to back up this claim?"

Sesshomaru stopped, keeping his back to them. "Indeed," One gold eye, by the slowest degrees produced the chilliest glance that sent a shiver up Koga's spine. "As a matter of fact, I can show you rather then tell you."

Uh-oh. Koga's sudden chill went ice cold. You know that creepy, haunting feeling a person gets that sinks into the pit of your stomach like a ton of brinks? Yea double that times ten and he was nearly to his knees. He knew this feeling all too well. This happened in the last three cities him and his brothers lived in and had to move because of Sesshomaru's _special problem_. The kind that was likely to get them all thrown in jail for the rest of their lives.

Naraku looked at the youngest demon and jerked his chin for him to hurry before they loss the retreating inuyoukai.

By the time they'd made it outside, Sesshomaru had only walked about three sidewalk panels and stopped looking straight forward.

"What's up?" Koga questioned looking around for the supposed profit. "Where's the money?"

"You'll see." Sesshomaru pulled back his long sleeve to glance at his Rolex watch. The time was two forty four and in exactly thirty four seconds the reasons for why their business would be the most successful of all would come stumbling out in a lovely display of youthful muscle, delicately maturing faces and scented odors of musk and male. All male.

Koga started whistling, nervously rocking back and forth on his heels, looking around the casual neighborhood not thinking much of it. But the funny thing is, for some reason he couldn't shake off this feeling of dread snaking up his spine. Naraku on the other hand was mentally calculating the possibilities of an affordable method for cleaning up this devastating trash heap his younger brother considered a _perfect location. _The costs of renovations could cost this much, the details and decorations, not to mention the expensive extermination of Charlotte and her million children needed to be taken care of—

Suddenly the wicked chill of frosted despair struck Koga the instant he heard a loud ringing chime tuning in three separate melodies. "What the?" Why the hell was there a school bell ringing? He looked all over for the source and when his gaze fell in in line of his oldest brother, he loss three shades of his olive skin. There hinted in the smallest lift was a smile on Sesshomaru's face. But oh no, not just any ole smile. No this smile was only reserved for one type of thing. "Oh God."

Koga gasped at his oldest brother whose glasses caught a peculiar glare off the sunlight to disguise the hidden aggravation. Koga didn't need to utter a single word to let Naraku know. It was too late. Naraku already knew what the deal was the instant he heard that bell and immediately had his gaze focused on the silver haired fool boldly waiting for the magical glory of his twisted fetish to burst through a pair of royal blue doors.

"Sesshomaru," Naraku removed his glasses and started to wipe off the slight smudge. "You didn't reserve this location for _that_ reason did you?"

No reply. Of course not. Why would he?

Koga shook his head absolutely awe struck and gapped at his middle brother, a terrified expression mirrored in his cobalt eyes. "Sesshomaru you didn't?"

The smile grew.

"Oh God…"

In that instant, on the final chime of those sinful bells, the large doors withholding the illegal sins of any perverts dreams began to pour out of in rapid waves of multiple varieties. Tall, short, skinny, large, long hair, short hair, muscular slender. So many shapes, sizes and all sorts of colors. Every single one of them were dressed in the creased colors of smoky gray and white button up shirts. So different in appearances and yet every single one of them had two things in common…

"Sesshomaru why?" Koga whined, raking his hands through his long hair. Those things! All of those criminally enticing things! "You're not supposed to be within fifty feet!"

—they were all male.

Naraku pulled out his cell phone and dialed a few numbers.

—and they were all underage. In a combined middle and high school. Completely illegal.

Koga turned teary eyes to his middle brother, whimpering pathetically. "Sesshomaru how—how could you?"

Ah wonderfully delicious dream of terribly insatiable delicacies aimlessly walking to wherever they wanted to go. So many flavors varied from each little piece of masculine innocence and all of it would belong to him. Every single one. Without so much as a response, Sesshomaru turned on his heel and left. A thousand ideas burned in his mind of how he would attract those edible little villains into this ice cream shop. In three weeks, he planned to have this place up and running full thrust. Yes full thrust. Pun intended. And on opening day he planned on having his cream as the main flavor for whatever unfortunate soul walked through that door.

Hundreds or even a small thousand young males began to walk pass the disturbed adults, talking amongst themselves about whatever and what nots, completely oblivious of the perverse horror coming to scar their young lives forever. Each young man walked pass a distraught Koga who could visibly see the floating neon signs flashing _jail bait_ over each boy's head.

A loud bang brought his attention behind them where Sesshomaru was positioning a sign in the cracked window saying: _'Tasteful Creams'. _The title was originally called Tasteful Dreams but the capable _D _was scratched out (with enough force to nearly rip a hole in the material) and replaced with a bright red _C._

"Naraku," Koga groaned witnessing the terrible mess pooling by the second in bucket loads. Oh these little poor devils had no idea what the hell just blew into town. "What are we gonna do?"

Naraku tapped the screen of his I-Touch and pushed up his glasses. "Nothing we can do now expect keep the police on speed dial."

* * *

><p><strong>TBC: Freaky yes I know but I hope it was funny. It won't be a long story. It's pretty much for fun. <strong>


	2. You're 16? Check for Molestability

**Author's Rant:** Lol I'm glad you guys could find the humor in this simple crack. This was inspired by a fic I read called **The Restaurant by Mamotte Agenu.** She's a comic genius and the randomness of it was just too funny! I'm going to have fun with this but before I do let me clear something up first. Sesshomaru isn't a sex offender. There's no rape or any forced sexual activity here. He's a young adult who's only attracted to younger boys. Please don't take any of this seriously because it's a simple random crack/slash fic. Thank you ^_^.

**You're 16? Check for Molestability**

_**3 Weeks Later… Yes the time hell truly breaks through illegally…**_

"Sesshomaru please don't make me do it. Please don't. There has to be another way!" Cried Koga begging on his hands and knees. Yes people the handsome wolf begs.

The object of his pleas ignored him as he looked through the selection of CDs he'd use for the opening theme song of their first opening day. Each day of the week needed something to urge his molestable appetite.

"Sesshomaru!"

"Yes?" He finally answered. That took about ten minutes of Koga clawing at his pants legs and pulling on his back pockets and a rip in his button shirt. Sesshomaru's going to need a new one.

Want to know why Koga's so worried? Check this out.

_Molestable qualities allowed in the wondrous world of Tasty Creams (Sesshomaru changed the name because he says it doesn't express his insatiable inspirations)._

_1. Skin is smooth as a baby's bottom. Literally._

_2. If you prefer pooh bear then a college logo on your underwear, you'll receive discounts._

_3. If your favorite games are Candyland, Hungry-Hungry Hippo, Finger painting or any other entertaining ten and under games. Action figures are negotiable based on the character._

_4. Mickey Mouse is a chosen must for those of you without pubic hair._

_5. If your private area is similar to a finger you're welcome._

_6. Making macaroni cards and coloring in coloring books is appreciated._

_7. Those who are just learning how to tie your shoes should come in for some personal home lessons._

_8. Barely reached puberty or in the throes of bodily development. Depends on level._

_9. Enjoy the pleasures of a flat chest, long dick and sharing bath water with rubber duckies._

_10. Soft, cute, cute, cute, cute and sexy. Fine is an extra term to define reserved qualities if you possess them._

_11. Be a boy. Adorable, sweet cuddly, innocent one who'll look sexy in a dress…or diaper or bib. Perferably the dress with a wig._

_12. That is all._

_Unmolestable qualities NOT allowed in the wondrous world of Tasteful Creams. (Naraku forced Sesshomaru to return the name to its proper title. Sadly he couldn't correct the Creams part.)_

_1. No facial hair._

_2. No voice deeper than the owners. Unless in foreplay._

_3. If your private area splits down the center keep walking._

_4. No type of protruding lumps of flesh on your chest resembling cut out silicones, no hips, no juicy-can-shake-it-and-drop-it-like-its-hot booties. Need 'em firm and a little supple._

_5. Any associates of the police department, please avert your eyes from the 9845 Vermillion Street block. There's nothing to see here._

_6. If your private area resembles the deepest parts of Japan's bamboo jungles, we regret to inform you that no sort of weed whacker is offered._

_7. If you have a driver's license you're no longer worthy._

_8. Squeaky voice and curvy figures will be exterminated on sight._

_9. Please follow the rules._

_10. No femininely aware creatures._

Koga held up the black shirt with so many pink and blue colored letters sketched in an ugly tie dye. Neon colors too. They really hurt his eyes. But he wasn't worried about that. "Sesshomaru please don't make me wear this." He whimpered still curious as to how all of that could fit on a medium sized shirt. The print was pretty big. Somehow in its own twisted delicious way, it would promote the shop.

Sesshomaru looked at him almost in a pity-like face... _Those words weren't big enough_. Nevermind he was looking at the shirt. "I need customers."

"Then make Naraku wear this!" Koga fell to the floor, face flat and stomach flat and hands flat. Now he looks like a humanoid pancake. "Youregonnagetmekilled!"

"I don't speak floor language."

Oh yea that's right. Koga turned his head sideways. "You're gonna get me killed." There that's better.

"Die for the cause." Sesshomaru stepped on him and walked from the backroom. He found the CD he needed for opening day. Only one song would do on Mondays. It was supposed to be edited based on his older brother's recommendations for safe music...Well, Sesshomaru thought it was safe. "Naraku I want a different sign placed in the window by the end of the day."

Naraku wiped a handprint off the glass. "What kind?"

"Delectable Little Sins."

"No Sesshomaru."

Touché. Naraku always knew what to say to end a debate. The entire shop was clean now. New chairs, new tables, new paint job. All of it done a brilliant display of neon blues, pinks, yellows and to add class, a pinch of peach. Big circles, little circles. Maybe a couple of triangles if you use your imagination. Naraku saw a little square one time but no one found it since. The colors would distract any unwanted company, namely those possessing armpit hair. Yes that works, Sesshomaru nodded to himself after making a secret agreement in his head.

Koga flopped out of the back room teary eyed and droopy lipped. He looked so sad. Too bad. "Naraku please don't make me go outside in this." He pulled at the shirt hems and cried to his oldest brother.

Naraku pushed his glasses up and wiped off one of the milkshake glasses with a wash cloth. "We need advertisement."

"Then you wear it!"

"No Koga."

Touche. Naraku always knows what to say to end an argument. Koga gloomily walked to the door, purposely taking his time by taking baby like steps. Really small ones. He counted the little pink and green—yes there are lime green squares in there too. Anyway he counted each square a small quarter at a time and kept his head hung low.

"The slower you walk Koga, the less money we make." Naraku said calmly. He finally got that handprint off the glass.

The poor littlest brother turned his big blue eyes at his big brothers, hoping the effects of his puppy eyed trick would reprieve him from this death walk. Not likely. Naraku was finishing his milkshake glass, and Sesshomaru was turning to the one song too vulgar for children.( But he didn't care.) Koga sighed and pushed through the little glass door, sighing again at the little bell at the top of the door. The heavy slump of his shoulders were easily seen through the newly replaced glass window. Since today was Monday, the town was pretty active. So everyone was going to the twisted display of police worthy rules between two o'clock and nine.

The shop schedule only follows the school students actively dominating the population. That works just fine for Sesshomaru.

Suddenly a dozen or more loud speakers—some small ones but they played really loud— magically appeared from the ceiling. Compliments of Sesshomaru's inventive mind. Naraku stopped cleaning his fifth glass when the song's implications played in the most disturbing way.

_Dickkkkkkey Ridddddeee_

_Don't u want a dickey ride_

_Don't u want a dickey ride_

_Dickey ride{where they at}_

_Dickey ride {where they at}_

_D-I-C-K-E-Y Ride {ride oh}_

_Don't u want a dickey ride_

_Don't u want a dickey ride_

_Dickey ride{where they at}_

_Dickey ride {where they at}_

_D-I-C-K-E-Y Ride {ride oh}_

_Don't u want a dickey ride_

_Don't u want a dickey ride_

Sesshomaru blinked at Naraku. Naraku blinked at Sesshomaru. Naraku blinked twice at Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru blinked twice at Naraku. Why wasn't anyone stopping the terrible definition of this song?

"Do you want to dickey ride a cute little boy?" Sesshomaru asked easily, obviously not concerned that children could be influenced by a dickey ride song.

Naraku picked up another glass. "No I don't Sesshomaru." The ridge of his gold rimmed glasses slide down his face and as usual his index finger pushed them back up. "You're a psychotic, lunatic with a disgusting taste for male adolescents and you should burn in hell for all eternality."

"I see." No he didn't. That's why the song kept playing. He would've been listening to the song's lyrics for a motivated day of ogling school boys but suddenly noticed Koga ducking the impressive swing of an old woman's purse. She missed the first time but a counter of that wrinkled knee found a pleasant place in Koga's hidden valley of long loss molestation. Koga fell to the ground and held up his hands, begging the lady to stop hitting him. Nope she didn't stop. Sesshomaru can't read lip like Naraku so he couldn't understand what she was saying, but Naraku didn't feel like interpreting right now. Who knows what's she's yelling about but her pulse was wailing on Koga's head.

This is coming along well. Better then he'd expected. The advertisement is being welcomed with open arms just as he'd predicted.

Sesshomaru folded his arms and began his rehearsed countdown of grope time with a sexy little illegal boy. In exactly ten seconds, the wistful dreams of every pedophile's dreams would coming stumbling down those stone steps, all of them happily running to be in his arms. You know why? Because he's a pedo and deserves the pleasures of touching skin legally deemed against the law.

This was his internal speech used while he thought of the most defiling methods to grope those cute little devils. The same little sinful angels wearing those too tight school uniforms, were gradually growing into a disgusting adult and haven't had a piece of hair to touch their barely grown penises. Oh god. How sad that the thrill of being able to imagine those harems of nude tasties resulted with the side effects of lightheadedness and a blushing nose leak. He turned on his heel, said a quick "I shall return" and disappeared into the bathroom.

The second he placed a piece of get-horny-soon tissue to his nose, the front door bell chimed.

"Welcome to Tasteful Creams, how may I assist you this afternoon?" That was Naraku of course since his youngest brother was being beaten by a mob of elderly women and a yellow cat and his next to youngest brother was suffering in the bathroom.

"Yea you guys sell burgers?" Sesshomaru's ears perked on full pedo mode. That wasn't Koga's voice. It was younger, cute, gruff, filled with spunky attitude (Sesshomaru likes spunk), rather sensual, very attractive and above all else—he sniffed—the voice was against the law. A male's lovely tone, most likely fourteen, fifthteen or sixteen. All ripen ages. Perfect.

_Dickkkkkkey Ridddddeee_

_Don't u want a dickey ride_

_Don't u want a dickey ride_

Oh yes he surely did. Sesshomaru looked out the door, suspiciously covering half his face like an agent and narrowed his eyes at the view from behind the newcomer. A soft ass wonderfully encased in a pair of gray school pants. The material looked ripable... Marvelous. Long white hair blessed to be ran through his fingers. He was shorter than him. Good because Sesshomaru despised delectable illegals too tall. Oh and were those puppy ears on top of his head? Sesshomaru closed his eyes and came to the most fatal conclusion that yes he was going to molest this boy. It was a tough decision but there was no going around it. This puppy absolutely reeked of Jailbait Sauce.

"We haven't begun to serve that type of food in our shop just yet but would you be interested in another type of selection?" Naraku offered a booth seat for the young man to sit in. The teenager propped his hands behind his head, unknowingly having his half melon sized ass spied on by a secret demon. When the tantalizing view of immorality vanished into the seat cushion, the one visible golden eye pulled a ninja and vanished. No smoke effects of course.

"Sure, ya got any strawberry and vanilla mixed milkshake?" The boy asked.

Naraku nodded and went to get the ice cream. He wasn't supposed to be the waiter but Koga was still getting the living shit kicked out his ass and Sesshomaru was busy playing child predator.

With the evil older brother gone, Sesshomaru opened the door and nobly walked out, chin jutted out, head held high and stride as smooth as a criminal on a mission. He silently crept up watching the adorable twitch of those ears begging for his stroking touch of love. The sweet little puppy was quietly humming some tune Sesshomaru could care less about since it had nothing to do with sex and cleared his throat the instant he was beside the little treat.

_Uh-oh_

Naraku's negativity-concerning-loss-money meter went off and he glanced up just in time to see his brother eyeing a new victim for his nasty fetish. He couldn't for the life of him figure out what was so appealing about touching or even finding a child attractive. A male child for that matter.

_Tsk thank god I took after father, _he thought as a scoop of ice cream fell into the glass holder. Three full ball sized scoops later and Naraku was taking the edible treat to the young lad who suddenly noticed Sesshomaru standing beside him.

Without missing a beat, Sesshomaru took the ice cream, slide on the other side of the booth and gave Naraku the money to cover it. As if Naraku cared where the money came from? Money was money no matter who's pocket it came from. It was still profit after all. But that didn't mean he would steer clear of this danger zone. Sesshomaru was on the prowl and they didn't need a barrier set on this building. So from then on Naraku decided to clean his milkshake glasses next to the table where a possible crime would be committed.

Sesshomaru blinked at the innocent face and decided that his newest target for this town would be this round face of purity and sexiness. He was molestably qualified, "What's your name?" He interrogated calmly.

"Inuyasha." The teenage hanyou stated coldly with a ton of attitude dripping off the name.

That's ok. Sesshomaru likes that. No problem he knew how to handle himself just fine with things like this. All he had to do was use the correct words and there won't be a risk of terrifying the kid or risking a incident report.

"How old are you?"

"Sixteen."

Cha ching. He's ripe like a watermelon. That ass was going to be his.

Inuyasha spooned a portion of ice cream and stuffed it in his mouth. "What the hell are you lookin' at?" He asked roughly.

"I'm not looking at you."

"Yes you are. You're staring."

"No I'm not."

Inuyasha frowned. "Yes you are."

Sesshomaru didn't frown. "No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you were Sesshomaru, so stop staring." Naraku countered out of the blue. He pushed up his glasses and placed the tenth glass on a nearby table, still keeping full concentration on his brother's flinching fingers.

After that no one said anything else. Inuyasha sat there licking his ice cream. Naraku made sure Sesshomaru kept his hands to himself and Sesshomaru sat there thinking of the next best way to come on to this little damnation on legs. A couple of times his lips pulsed for the right combination of words to be laced in the perfect sentence but nothing logical came to mind.

Except… "If I change by name to Barney, will you love me?"

Inuyasha dropped his spoon. Naraku dropped his glass. Sesshomaru dropped his—well he wasn't holding anything but if he was it would've dropped.

Dead, horrible, zombie like silence gratified in a heavily tension filled disturbance. There were two things keeping Inuyasha from running from this table. One because he was too stunned to remember how his legs worked and two because he noticed a large spider crawling on the wall in the far back. Probably Charlotte. If you look closely you could see the word _'Run'_ tangled in her web.

Naraku made the first move and fluidly lifted the awe struck teenager by his arm and escorted him out the leather booth. "Have a good day." Or the equality of what he had before his mind was suddenly scarred.

Sesshomaru quickly—yes he can move faster than a blink— came to stop right in front of the exiting teen who only scowled at him.

Sesshomaru stared at Inuyasha. Inuyasha stared right back.

"...Polar bear." Oh yea that's smooth. Epic fail.

"What?"

"I apologize, I just wanted to break the ice." Sesshomaru was losing it. Definitely losing it. Come on, get it together man, or you'll blow your chance with a sexy jail baiter. "May I pick you up from school tomorrow?"

Silence….There was no point of dodging the honest to god fact that this tall beautiful freak of nature was a child molester out for Inuyasha's young ass. This guy had to be at least twenty two or three and here he was asking if he could pick up a sixteen year old from school. What would his friends think? About. Him. Hanging. With. A. Cool. College. Student. "Sure I get out at two forty five." He lifted a darker than his natural white hair eyebrow and turned away, throwing over his shoulder. "I'll wait for ya," and Inuyasha left. This time without a slight worry in his step.

Naraku followed the flexing target Sesshomaru's eyes stayed trained on and cleared his throat.

"Sesshomaru you can't touch him."

"Why not?"

"He's sixteen."

"So what?"

Pause. "That's illegal."

"Your point?"

"...We're going to jail."

Koga had long since fainted from his beat down by the mob of child-protecting old ladies.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC: Like I said this is pure crack. I seriously hope you can find the humor in this. ^_^<strong>


	3. Three Points To You

**Author's Rant:** Lol Yah for crack lovers! I love you guys. Thanks so very much for the reviews. I'm super thrilled you're all enjoying it. Let's see what's up in this chapter ^_^

**Warnings:** Language, crack/slash fic. Perverted Sesshomaru. Etc.

**Three Points To You**

Today is Tuesday right? So he needs a new song. Please don't lump the two other sane brothers in the same mash of Sesshomaru's illegal intentions. It's not that you can't compare the three brothers together; it's just that Sesshomaru doesn't want anyone else included in his silly putty made from his love of groping kiddie booties. He wants that pleasure saved just for him. Back to the song selection before that explanation came up didn't really matter to distract you from Sesshomaru needing a new pervert song.

That's what Sesshomaru needed now. A new song to express today's feelings of molesting purposes. Yes people the sexy pedo needed some kind of motivation to grope some illegal asses. He needed a new style to go by. Naraku had burned his Brokeback Mountain soundtrack because certain parts kept being rewind. He was sad about that…but he still had his Chipmunks song. (A CD gift to Koga when he was a little boy but Sesshomaru mugged him for it last week.) Those squeaky voices turn him on; like a cherry on a mountain of ice cream rolling down his tongue.

By the way there's a new schedule to go by now since Sesshomaru made an odd discover today when he went to check on the shop around twelve o clock. It was the most beautiful finding seen in his life. The lovely scene came in the form of the dazzling performance of legs, muscular arms, and firmly squeezable asses with the dimples on the sides clinging to sweaty jersey shorts—you get the point—turned him on enough to open the store two hours early. From now on the store shall be open from twelve to nine. They wouldn't get any customers (the lovable ones with yummy diaper asses) during the first two new hours because they'd still be in school.

Don't worry that's how Sesshomaru wants it. That'd prevent any disturbances during his peep time. But anyway back to his recent discovery.

That's why he was there placing a disc in the store player. He finally found a chipmunk song called _'Gettin' Lucky_.' Score three points for him. He could listen to these feminine creatures all day. Now that the most difficult task was taken care of, Sesshomaru could go by the window and watch his fantasies come true without worrying about Naraku tearing him down with premonitions of going to hell.

There. There he was looking all hot, sweaty and utterly squeezeable.

Sesshomaru could see him. The cute little school boy from yesterday he deemed _ass worthy_ to be groped. That long white hair, perky doggy years—those ears will he his—and that supple ass blessed by the highest powers, were all dead ringers. There were a bunch of kids; a whole lot of kids outside on their basketball courts playing, well basketball. But Sesshomaru wasn't playing any mind to that basketball or the freaking game for that matter. Nope those sweaty humanoids against department regulations were what he was aiming for and little Inuyasha was happily participating in the public porn.

By now Sesshomaru had his stone-like face plastered to the window watching the free display of endless bliss. No smile. No grin. No smirk. Nada. He was inwardly excited as a bumble bee but he would not show it. A true pedo never shows his eagerness. It's a skill.

Anyway he caught Inuyasha snatching the ball from another kid favoring all of Sesshomaru's qualities for molestability but still not as sexy as Inuyasha. This was a good game. He could see everything, which made him even gladder he'd purchased this building. He could get a perfect bird's eye view of the athletic porn happening in the school yard.

Just look at all of those delectable sins on legs, just waiting to be stroked and groped and grabbled and molested and any other words associated with illegal touches to a little boy.

Inuyasha stopped playing and was sitting on the bench now—no wait he stood up to get some water from a water boy. Ok _now_ he's sitting on the bench.

Sesshomaru silently growled at the bench and determined that it would never touch his beloved's hinny again. Oh my. Sesshomaru squinted closer noticing some drops of water leaking off the hanyou's lips. "Mmm…" Yes baby, suck that water dry. Sesshomaru had the perfect scenario playing in his mind of how he'd manifest the perfect romance between him and Inuyasha. Yes he could see it playing out in his mind like a dream.

Let the perverted daydream begin….

_Inuyasha would be exhausted near the end of a game and ready for some water. By now Sesshomaru would've kicked the water boy (he would molest him too someday) and stole the water bottle to squirt the cold liquid in his baby's mouth. Not a lot of water but enough to make him choke a little. Sesshomaru was a masochist, so Inuyasha would be one too. Moving on. _

"_I can't win Sesshomaru." Inuyasha whimpered magically making his eyes so cute and adorable. "The other team is just too strong. What are we going to do?"_

"_Do not fret Inuyasha." This was the best part of the fantasy. "When you win, I shall molest you."_

_Then those ears would point up like the thing in Sesshomaru's pants. God he was going to lick those ears. "Do you really mean it Sess?" Those big gold eyes would grow bigger. Much bigger. _

"_Of course."_

"_Yah!" He'd scream because he was secretly in love with Sesshomaru because that's how Sesshomaru wanted this day dream to be._

_That would be the perfect last minute speech to boost Inuyasha's ego and they'd somehow win the game within a ten second lapse even though the score was seventy three to thirty five. The other team was winning but in Sesshomaru's dreams Inuyasha's team would magically win so he could molest him in a French maid's outfit. The kind with frillies and pink lacing. Yes that's nice, Sesshomaru would nod to himself and be satisfied. _

Let's end this fantasy….Back to the real world.

Uh-Oh. Inuyasha was bending over to tie his shoes. Oh no don't do that just yet. They hadn't worked up to that part. Well maybe the dreams advancing as a warning for Sesshomaru to step up his imagination. Either way this was the best explicit scene in the history of pedodom Seeing the sweat cling to the hanyou's body and the red flush expression, on his face free of nasty facial hair, added the perfect ingredients to his boyish sexiness. Hm Sesshomaru would love to wipe off that salty sweat with a towel and keep it in his closet to sniff every Monday and Thursday. It would never see the light of day again.

Thank God these were the joys of a pedo. Had it not been for who he was, girlish giggles would fill the empty store that refused to serve anyone until one o clock. No, no two o clock.

But for now he'd just settle back in a chair and watch the fun of those sweaty premature yummies and munch away on his Porn Chips—Err Pork Chips... Nope never mind, the top half of the K was punched in with a claw, leaving a mutilated half K. So now it really does say Porn Chips.

Two whole hours of no customers, free public porn and a bag of Porn Chips. Yum.

* * *

><p>Somewhere in the contours of his home, Naraku knocked back his chair and went to stare out the window, watching the puffy white clouds float across the sky. His heart ached so badly he felt he was nearing his end but it was much more complicated than that. Somewhere in his heart he knew the truth. The twisted horrid truth that was tearing his soul into so many pieces.<p>

He knew this feeling all too well and knew it could never be false or deter him from the harsh reality of it all. He knew in the deepest pits of his heart… "We're losing money." Damn you Sesshomaru.

* * *

><p>Today was the day. The day he'd be looked upon as the ever cool guy who got to ride in a smooth car with a college student. This would change his whole way of life in school and then every single person would look up to him and know him as the guy who got to ride in a car with a cool college student who happened to want to hump him but it was all in the price of riding a sweet car. Sacrifices, sacrifices.<p>

The only problem is he had exactly two minutes left before the last bell rung to release him from this cramped class room and from the leering eyes of his perverted teacher Miroku Housei. Mr. Housei always made some type of excuse as to make Inuyasha stay after class about something or another. This guy was also a child loving magnet and he could give three shades of a dandelion who knew. Boys, girls, young, younger, and going lower to age twelve he didn't care.

_Riiiiiiinggggg. Riiiiiiingggg._ Thank the holy one above, he was saved by the bell. Inuyasha gathered all of his stuff and made a quick run for the door. He knocked over a smaller boy and his hip slammed into the side of a desk (by the way that hurt like hell) but who cared when you were worried for your body?

Almost there, almost there, almost there—"Inuyasha I need to have a word with you before you go."

Busted. "Yes sir." Inuyasha dropped his head and shuffled back to the teacher, who thought sitting on the edge of his desk would make him look sexy.

Mr. Housei crossed his legs at the thigh and braced his hands behind him as he lifted an eyebrow. Damn he was too sexy for everything. "I've become quite concerned with your lack of attention in this class room." Said the model posing teacher.

Inuyasha hiked up his back pack. "Whatta did I do now?"

By the strokes of the weird forces, Miroku's hand recovered a large vanilla folder from behind him—mind you he has no pockets so how the hell it got there was beyond the natural theories of science. "Your lack of care for your grades shows a building need for disciplinary actions in the near future. Here you made a A- on your Biology quiz. Oh and Mr. Toshi told me about the B+ you made on his chapter nine test for Algebraic Connections."

Sooooo what the fuck was the problem? "I'm passing right?"

The folder snapped shut. "Yes but there's still room for improvement. That's why I've set you up on tutoring sessions after school for an hour."

"Sorry but I gotta ask my Mom if its ok—"

"Already taken care of my boy." Miroku cut off excitedly. "Your Mother says if you need to stay two, three, or four hours, she'd gladly give the permission needed."

_Thank you Mother,_ said Inuyasha's inner sarcasm. "Yes sir." Inuyasha took that chance to hurry out before anything else could be said not even noticing that his fast flexing ass cheeks were rotating like clockwork for a certain teacher. Miroku sighed happily and flopped backwards on his desk, accidentally knocking himself unconscious when his head connected to the corner of his desk. No he's not dead…Oh well.

* * *

><p>Inuyasha couldn't get down the stairs fast enough. He nearly tripped twice, had to grab the railing to make sure he didn't die and jumped the last five stairs running straight for the street. Where was that bastard? Oh there he is. Can't miss that nice ass car. It'd better be him.<p>

Inuyasha made a record sprint for the bright red corvette with black rims and a sleek shine blinding him the closer he got. As soon as he reached the door he yanked it open and hoped inside. "Drive!"

Sesshomaru looked at him, wondering how the gropeable boy knew this was his car and shrugged it off. "What's the problem?"

"Drive now, talk later!" Inuyasha snapped on his seatbelt, while nervously looking out the black tinted window to make sure Mr. Housei wouldn't come out to make a last minute look at his ass. That happened two days ago. "I can't stand that guy."

"Who?"

"DRIVE!"

Sesshomaru geared up the car into super drive, whipped it around in a U and ended up at the shop within two minutes. Remember the school's right across the street, so there's no need for a long detour.

Inuyasha sighed and wiped his brow. "Safe. Damn I thought I'd never get outta there."

"What's wrong?"

"Tsk, it's my teacher Mr. Miroku Housei. He likes to look at my ass and told me once he'd give me extra credit if I jiggled it a little." Inuyasha sunk in his seat. "I think he's gay."

Ya think?

Sesshomaru lowered his banes over his eyes silently cursing that damn teacher's luck. He wanted to look at Inuyasha's ass jiggle too. Oh well he'd do it someday. "Do you want to stay in the shop or go home?" Wait home? Inuyasha's home? "Nevermind, what's your address?"

Inuyasha blinked out the tinted window when he noticed that they were indeed in front of the shop and shrugged. "Sure, I'll just go home. I live on 11289 Corner Drive off of Ziegler and Bowden."

Information safely memorized and secured in Sesshomaru's mind, never be forgotten. Thank you God, Buddha, Inari, myself, and Venus for being up there. Sesshomaru pulled off in the direction given, ignoring Koga's calls that he wasn't supposed to be off duty this early to be driving a kid. If anyone was interested, you could see the youngest brother waving his fist in the air running down the sidewalk screaming, "I'm gonna tell Naraku!" By then he'd given up, slumped his shoulders and walked back to the shop in tears.

"Oh yea, could you start picking me up at three forty five now? I have to stay after school with my teacher for study practice."

Damn, score three points for the teacher. "Of course." Sesshomaru would just wait outside anyway to look at the other boys as appetizers before the main course came. "Are you worried?"

"Nah, I just don't like him looking at my ass and stuff. I think he's gay."

Ya think?

Sesshomaru clapped his hand on Inuyasha's leg and gradually inched up until he was beyond the comfort zone. "Do not worry yourself Puppy. It'll be fine. Just don't give him the time of day," make sure your ass is only seen by me, "and everything will be alright." Gods he was so close to that mini penis he couldn't stand it.

"Yea ok." Inuyasha smiled and relaxed. Sesshomaru was such a great guy.

* * *

><p>Amazingly Sesshomaru made it back to the shop as innocent and stone faced as he was any other day and walked in to handle his share of the duties.<p>

Naraku was behind the counter wiping off another milkshake glass in front of a little pink eyed and haired bird demon child who was lacking numbers one, ten and eleven from Sesshomaru's molestable qualities list. "Naraku."

"Yes?"

"Get _it_ out of here." The _it_ referring to the innocent five year old little demon girl licking a small ice cream cone.

"No Sesshomaru."

Touché. Wow how does he do that? Naraku always knows what to say to win an argument.

"By the way Sesshomaru if you have to leave here to commit a disgusting crime against morals, make sure to use your own vehicle instead of mine." Naraku replaced the polished glass to shine off an ice cream bowl. "I don't want the police putting fingerprint powder on my car."

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes. "How did you know I went to pick up Inuyasha?"

Pause, for extra effect. "…Charlotte told me."

Somewhere in the deepest corner of the shop, a tiny web in plain view displayed the honest truth of his crime written in the most accusable method…

A tiny sized arrow pointing right across the street with his name attached to it….

Touché. Three points for Charlotte.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC: Wow Charlotte's a snitch. I hope this could bring another laugh to your day. ^_^<strong>


	4. No More Than Five Tries

**Author's Rant:** Ah-HA! So some ppl do prefer a perverted Sesshomaru. That's good because I like him like that myself. Oh yea this is a younger Sesshomaru. Like the one at the beginning of the Third Movie. ^_^.

**No More Than Five Tries**

Sesshomaru got caught. So sad.

Naraku's money conscious is never, ever wrong. While he was at home eating his breakfast, it was going off like a car alarm and at first he thought Sesshomaru had been trying to steal his car again but it ended up really being his mind telling him that his younger brother was losing profit. So when he decides to investigate, low and behold what does he find? Sesshomaru settled comfortably in front of their shop window watching those kids play basketball across the street, eating Porn Chips and listening to his latest perverted intentions song, '_Let Me Ride That Donkey.'_

How did he know Sesshomaru was watching an illegal basketball game? Because there was no other reason why he'd be sitting here, chair propped back on the back legs, popping chips in his mouth like it's all good.

"Morning Naraku." Sesshomaru said easily, keeping his eyes out the window.

"We're losing money," Naraku mumbled dropping his jacket on a nearby table. "Why do you have the closed sign on the door?"

"Because we're not open."

"But you're in here."

"I'm watching dreams come true."

"You're trying to go to jail."

"…." How dare Naraku assume he's going to jail all because he wants to watch his sweet Yasha fall out from a heat stroke? Then he'd have no choice but to run over there and commence CPR and kidnap the boy to his house so they could play doctor in a French maid's outfit. _'Yea that'll work,_' Sesshomaru nodded to the invisible agreement in his head.

"Sesshomaru have we had any customers come in today?" Naraku asked when he popped open an empty register. God help him if a moth flies out this thing, he'd have a stroke.

"No Naraku." Chip insert in mouth.

"Are you lying?"

"Yes Naraku."

Naraku sighed and pushed the cash drawer closed. "I'm staying here," He walked over to the front door and flipped over the open sign. "And since you have time to be disgusting, you have time to work."

Sesshomaru looked at the wall clock where Charlotte decided to move to for the day and noted the time. There was no time to work. The game began at twelve fifteen and ended at twelve fifty. No biggie. He had enough time to sit back and watch the game unfold. Inuyasha's skin was as red as a poker and it was up to Sesshomaru to be on standby just in case he fell out. There had been a couple of false alarms before but he managed to catch himself while in the middle of the street and turned around to go back inside.

Suddenly around two thirty (there normal opening time) there was a loud commotion in the background and out popped a tall mass of white sheets waving around every which a way. "Hey guys check this out—BOO!" If the older brother's guesses were correct that was Koga because he'd always come out with a new designer costume between two thirty and four o clock. "What am I?" He asked to the wall because there were no holes punctured through the material.

"A complete idiot." Answered Naraku.

"No silly, I'm Casper." Still talking to the wall.

"….." Sesshomaru blinked. "Casper's dead Koga."

"No he's not!" Pointed the pile of dirty table clothes to the wall.

"Yes he is."

"No he's not!"

"Yes he is."

"No he's not!"

"He's dead Koga now go wash those table clothes." Naraku felt better since they made some money.

Koga unraveled the sheets to reveal a saddened droopy lip. "Why do you always have to kill my dreams!" He cried and ran away—he tripped over himself a couple of times and slammed face first into the door, because he flipped the sheets back over his face— and proceeded to cry his broken heart in the backroom.

Naraku didn't give a damn how much he cried. He'd better have those sheets clean.

* * *

><p>God it was so damn boring today. Why did he have to stay after school with this nasty creeper? Inuyasha wanted to go to the shop today to hang out with Sesshomaru because he was a cool college student who liked to hang with younger boys. Why? Who knows, but he's more fun than Mr. Miroku.<p>

They weren't doing anything, studying anything, talking about anything or whatever. Inuyasha was lending back in his charge counting the million patterns on the ceiling in between the white plaster while balancing a pencil on his nose. He decided that if he couldn't balance his pencil on his nose, then Miroku was an alien but if he could he was a child molester. Ready, set , go….

The pencil dropped. That settles it then. Miroku's a child molester.

"Inuyasha are you going to pick up that pencil?" Miroku asked, turning the page through his Kids' R Us spring catalog.

"No."

"Pick it up or go to the front office."

"Fine. Stupid jerk." Inuyasha hopped out of his chair and squatted—

"You can't pick it up that way."

Excuse me, he _bent_ over to pick up the pencil, giving all his full glorified ass for the teacher's amusement who took out his camera phone and recorded the whole eight seconds of that ass bending up and down, up and down up and down. Yes he could finally add this to his shrine. "Well Inuyasha, I'm sad to say that our tutoring session is over. Perhaps we can ask your mother to make it a longer one."

Not on your life, his life, his mother's life, and the life of that caterpillar squished to the window.

* * *

><p>Sesshomaru couldn't keep his eyes off the window. Well his face was actually suction cupped to the window because he couldn't pick up Inuyasha today because Naraku was being a dick about his car, so all he could do was watch Inuyasha come down the stairs looking for his car. How sad…but he could see that adorable pout from this far.<p>

So he walked outside and started waving his arms to get the yummy school boy's attention.

Inuyasha looked up and started to run across the street without looking both ways.

Sesshomaru cupped his hands to his mouth and let his deep voice ring out to the approaching teen. "Inuyasha don't hit that Impala. Inuyasha look both ways. Don't you dare damage that body…"otherwise you're no good to me.

Whew Inuyasha made it. Another day, another pervert safe meeting with Sesshomaru.

"Yah, Inuyasha made it across the street!" Koga yelled, pressing his face to the glass. "Look Naraku Inuyasha made it across the street."

"That's fine." Naraku went to the back to get the usual Strawberry and Vanilla mixed milkshake the lad seemed so fond of. "Koga clean off that window!" He called from the kitchen.

"Aww dammit. Why do I always have to do all the work?" Koga sighed and went to get the Windex.

Sesshomaru walked in, Inuyasha followed dropping his backpack on the same table he used Monday and finally relaxed. Sesshomaru automatically slide in the other seat like he didn't have any work to do and paid for the milkshake when Naraku bought it out. The same routine applies. Naraku took the money, he pulled up a nearby table and went about cleaning his glasses right there to prevent becoming somebody's bitch because of Sesshomaru's need to touch little boys.

"How did it go with your teacher today?" Sesshomaru asked.

Inuyasha sipped some of his milkshake, unknowingly turning on a certain pervert. "We didn't do much. We just sat there. He was reading a magazine, I was playing with my pencil."

This called for a Sesshomaru blink. "How were you playing with your pencil?"

"On my mouth."

"_On_ your mouth or _in_ your—"

"It was on his mouth Sesshomaru." Naraku glared evil daggers at his younger brother to keep those impure thoughts away from his tables.

"I see."

Inuyasha slurped up his milkshake, blowing bubbles. Sesshomaru stared at the cream going up the straw like—damn Naraku said no impure thoughts with his eyes. And Naraku sat there with the police on speed dial. Koga was cleaning his face print off the glass.

When Inuyasha giggled from the popping bubbles, he looked like an innocent little kid having fun. Sesshomaru felt a warm smile lift to his eyes. He was going to molest this boy whether he was ready or not until Naraku smacked his hands.

"Hey Naraku do you guys get a lot of customers here?" Inuyasha asked looking super cute and adorable with those milk bubbles.

"Yes we do."

Gods he was so cute….Sesshomaru was about to molest Inuyasha whether he liked it or not but Naraku smacked his hands again.

"Oh, how come I never see them?"

"Because you come in early."

"Oh." Inuyasha went back to blowing bubbles in his milkshake. Sesshomaru was about to molest him again but Naraku burned him with an-out-of-nowhere lighter and he called it quits for today. A true pedo never exceeds five tries a day.

"Ahhhh," Inuyasha finished with his yummy milkshake and smacked his lips, patting his stomach. "That's good. Thanks guys." He stood up to grab his book bag. Sesshomaru was looking at his juicy ass cheeks. "I'm ready to go home Sesshomaru."

But he wasn't ready for those beautiful globes to go home just yet. "Take him home Sesshomaru." Ordered Naraku.

"Alright." Sesshomaru went to get his brother's car keys. Naraku always knows what to say. He's just so persuasive.

* * *

><p>On the ride to the illegal kid's home, Inuyasha was making a little beat on the dashboard about something or another. Sesshomaru didn't care. It wasn't his car and Inuyasha looked molestable. Sesshomaru had a plan. As soon as he made it to Inuyasha's house he'd make his move. Koga came along for the ride to supervise. Not like it'd make much difference.<p>

"Hey what's it like having brothers?"

"Fine. They keep telling me I'm going to jail or burn in hell."

Inuyasha's softened his eyes. "Damn that's rough."

"Indeed. I can never figure out why they want me to suffer."

'_Yes you do you liar,'_ Koga grumbled mentally.

"It's ok. I won't condemn you to hell or anything like that." Inuyasha clapped his hand on Sesshomaru's shoulder and offered a fair smile. Sesshomaru was going to molest him whether he liked it or not. "I'll be your friend ok?"

"Thank you for your generosity." You'll be his friend, his lover, his crime-on-legs, his one way ticket to being someone's bitch and his reason for wearing that pink line on his car—excuse the typo _Naraku'_s car.

After ten more minutes of letting Inuyasha keep his hand where it didn't belong, Sesshomaru pulled up to a large two-story brick house with pretty white flowers on the windows and around the outline. "Looks like it's time for me to head out."

"Indeed…." Sesshomaru's voice died away as he lowered his banes over his eyes.

"Sess are you feeling ok?"

"Yes," the shadowy depression disappeared as Sesshomaru licked his adult lips and scooted closer to the illegal occupant in his brother's seat. "It's just that…I…I…" He closed his eyes and licked his lips again, almost within kissing range of Inuyasha who could only blink not fully comprehending that a crime was about to be committed until he heard his mother's voice.

"Oh no ya don't!" Koga hopped between the two before any lip locking could occur. He was TOO young to be worry about dropping the soap.

"Inuyasha how many times do I have to tell you? No older women!"

Koga pushed Inuyasha out of the car and jumped out too. "Mom would you relax he's not a woman, he's a ma—"

"Inuyasha I told you time and time again," Miss Inuyasha's mom was a very beautiful woman. Naraku would like her but he was too young to be someone's step father. So moving on, she's very pretty. Her hair was super black and long with small curls at the end. Her eyes were Koga's favorite color, violet and gray. Nice boobs, nice hips, nice ass—couldn't quite see her ass. Too bad though. She was missing numbers two, thru eight and ten. She possessed far too many of the unmolestable qualities, namely numbers three, four, and six thru ten.

"Inuyasha what in the world is the matter with you?" Miss Inuyasha's mom questioned placing hands on those hips against molestable qualities.

"Mom would you calm down? I'm tryin' to tell ya he's a man."

"Oh please, you expect me to believe this beautiful woman is a man?" Miss Izayoi sighed shaking her head to swish her long hair. "Oh Inuyasha, I told you before, you could date men your father's age but I cannot allow women my age and above. What if one of these women got you pregnant then what would I do?"

"Oh for the love of—" Inuyasha tossed his bag to the ground and cupped his hand around Koga's little friend down stairs. "See mom? Women don't have these." Inuyasha groped around the large package to prove his point, until his hand was full. Koga squirmed under the terrible pressure massaging around his sack and relaxed when they were released. Miss Izayoi was able to calm down when she saw the oversized bundle in her son's hand. "Told ya he was he a man Mom." Finished with his deed, Inuyasha saluted a farewell to his friends and went inside with his mother.

Koga waddled wide legged to the car and hoped in the backseat to keep his legs gapped. Geez his nuts were sore.

Sesshomaru glared at his little brother, wishing to him to hell. That was supposed to be his crotch groped. "Casper's dead." He smiled evilly.

Koga started to cry. "I'm telling Naraku!"

That's what you get for letting Inuyasha touch your crotch. That dick grope was supposed to be his!

* * *

><p><strong>TBC: They're so mean to Koga lol. Here's another laugh for you guys. <strong>


	5. Special Blend

**Author's Rant:** *Bows at the waist* I'm here for your crack filled amusement sweet ones. Enjoy Chapter 5. Oh and before I forget let me say that I DO NOT OWN any of the perverted songs Sesshomaru played in the shop. Dickie Ride, Gettin' Lucky, Let Me Ride That Donkey and Pretty Young Thing BELONG to other artists.

**Special Blend**

_I Want To Love You (P.Y.T.)_

_Pretty Young Thing_

_You Need Some Lovin' (T.L.C.)_

_Tender Lovin' Care_

_And I'll Take You There_

_I Want To Love You (P.Y.T.)_

_Pretty Young Thing_

_You Need Some Lovin' (T.L.C.)_

_Tender Lovin' Care_

_I'll Shake You There_

This was by far his most favorite song for encouraging his perverted inspirations. Anything that definitely shrilled illegal intentions came off this very album and this song was number one. Sesshomaru couldn't ask for more loudly spoke melodies of jailbait potential other these gentle, soothing lyrics of wrong doing.

Here he was sitting by the window enjoying another carefree day of watching those delicious morsels spill down the school steps, listening to his favorite artist, and licking free ice cream off his favorite spoon. The exact plastic utensil Inuyasha had been using yesterday. Don't ask and you won't have to figure out some nasty details.

As he sat propped backwards in a stool chair, flipping through this month's issue of Toys R Us (he was looking for gifts for Inuyasha. Maybe a couple of balls and a few pogo sticks…and if you didn't catch on to that don't even worry about it). Anyway as he read through the endless supply of kiddie goods, a certain conversation perked his pointy ear to the left sounding suspiciously like—oh dear.

"Excuse me Mistew?" Said the same little pink haired demon girl who Naraku refused to kick out on Sesshomaru's orders. Wasn't she supposed to be in pre-school or something? As a matter of fact, where the hell were her friggin parents?

Naraku finished wiping off a milkshake glass and turned to answer his tiny customer, "Yes, what is it?"

"Umm," She held up her ice cream cone looking at it strangely. "My ice cweam tastes funny."

Tastes funny? Did this brat just insult his ice cream? Naraku's delicious, creamy, delectable, hard ass worked on ice cream? "I'm sorry dear but we don't give refunds after the first lick." He said too sweetly.

"But siw my ice cweam tastes funny." Her bottom lip dribbled sadly and her pink eyes grew to an impressive size.

He frowned hard this time. Really hard. "You didn't think it taste funny before."

She pointed to the center. "But siw there's white stuff in my cone. It tastes icky." Little pinky made a crunched up face, sticking her tongue out to show the nasty sticky residue.

Naraku held his temper in check, knowing she was too innocent to be damned to hell three ways to Sunday and too young to be labeled a selfish, ignorant bitch because the ice cream was—well it was vanilla for Christ sakes. What did the girl expect? "Let me see," He held out his hand for the cone but before it touched his palm, it suddenly disappeared. Seriously it vanished mid grab. Almost like a ninja stunt or something. The two looked around each for the longest trying to figure out what happened to the sweet treat.

Secretly unseen by every eye in the shop including Charlotte, Sesshomaru quietly threw the defiled ice cream cone in the garbage and went back to the kitchen to hide the chilled bucket that read '_Special Blend' _in a more confined location_….._That mixture was meant only for Inuyasha.

….Hope the girl's too young to get pregnant.

* * *

><p>Inuyasha sadly studied the slow moving clock wishing against the natural throes of time that those two hands would go ahead and hit three and eight so he could get the hell out of there. This was getting so stupid. Here he was sitting here doing nothing but finding his name in the plastered ceiling and being ogled by his teacher. All he could so was rock back and forth in his chair thinking about Sesshomaru.<p>

Yes that's right if no one's figured it out by now, Inuyasha was becoming attached (yes attached not attracted) to the person he learned was a complete angel. Sesshomaru was always the perfect cool friend and seemed to always know what to say when they talked on the phone at night. Sure Sesshomaru had asked what his boxer size was but he was probably asking to buy him a pair. For some reason most of their conversations always seemed to revolve around Inuyasha's boxer size, attractions, particular favorites and secretive hobbies.

Ya see? Only good friends would want to know that type of personal information.

"Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha flopped forward in his chair. "Yea Teach, what's up?"

Miroku blew out dramatically closing his issue of Children's Galore to stare at his pupil through gold rimmed glasses. "Inuyasha, I regret to inform you that I don't think we should continue our tutor sessions anymore." He sighed, squeezing the sexually stimulated pressure between his eyes.

Oh Thank you God! Inuyasha threw up his arms overfilled with so much joy and utter excitement. He felt like jumping up and down with so much Christmas joy—

"That's why I believe we should continue them elsewhere. Namely my home. My bedroom."

Inuyasha's arms dropped in a slumped slap against his chair…God doesn't exist…

Wait maybe there's a miracle. "Sorry but I don't think my mom will allow—"

"Your mother filled out this permission slip yesterday saying you could spend the entire weekend at my home." Miroku held up a yellow permission slip with—you guessed it—Miss Izayoi's signature practically winking at her son. "So there's no need to worry. We have permission to stick—err I mean spend time with each other. I even have a swimming pool, so bring speedos."

So miracles didn't exist either. Inuyasha dropped his head against his desk on the verge of tears. Oh god this man was going to make him his slut puppy and make him wear a French maid suit to take pictures in…he knew…It happened to his cousin Bankotsu.

Miroku pushed up his glasses and went back to reading his Children's Galore magazine to find the perfect outfit. Let's see, he used a French maid's outfit last time. Might have to go with something Irish or Medival. Oh oh oh maybe he could be a fairy! Oh the possibilities were endless.

* * *

><p>Screw waiting for that dumbass Sesshomaru. He was getting the hell up outta there before something else happened.<p>

Inuyasha jumped down the whole staircase, into the street running as fast as he could to the Tasteful Creams shop. It was as if he couldn't get there fast enough, mind you he's dipping and dodging through traffic nearly hitting a sweet ass Apple Red Lamborghini. He shook his fist at the stupid old lady and hurried off to the door.

Why he aimed for the ice cream, he had no idea but it was the only place he felt safest since his own mother betrayed him to the devil himself. So where else would he go but to Sesshomaru, Naraku and Koga since they always gave him free ice cream and him feel welcomed.

Inuyasha sat through the glass doors breathing heavy and sweaty from the unusually hot weather. "Guys I need your help! He's going to molest me!"

Koga blinked at the hanyou terrified. Naraku blinked at the hanyou terrified. The little pink demon licked her ice cream. Charlotte weaved '_Oh no!_' in her web. The exclamation point was tangled in there three times.

Suddenly Naraku growled to the person he knew was behind this devastation, "Sesshomaru!"

Said demon emerged from the kitchen zipping up his pants, calm as the north pole. "Yes."

Before anyone could say a world, Inuyasha thrust his whole body in Sesshomaru's arms, hugging around his waist, shoving his face in his chest. Sesshomaru went into immediate innocent mode when he felt Naraku's eyes of hell on him. Don't molest him, Naraku's right there. Don't molest him, Naraku's right there. Don't molest him, Naraku's right there. Sesshomaru took a very deep breathe and kept his arms by his side. "What's wrong?"

"Sesshomaru I-I need your help. He's...he's going to molest me!"

Ohhh so tempting to just squeeze that ass. "Who's going to molest you?"

"My teacher, Mr. Miroku. My Mom gave him permission to let me spend the whole weekend at his house. So now we'll be stuck together in his bedroom!" Inuyasha squeezed Sesshomaru closer, pressing his face deeper in his friend's uniform shirt. The tacky tie die one with all the molestable qualities. The same shirt Inuyasha just can't seem to notice.

Those puppy ears were in licking range. Right next to Sesshomaru's lips. All he had to do was stick it out a little bit and_ boom_, instant molest fest. "I'm sorry to hear your teacher's being such a perverted nuisance. How could he think to do such a thing? Don't worry," Sesshomaru did the only thing he could do and eased Inuyasha's arms from around his waist. "I'll see what we can do to help you."

"You mean it Sess?"

Keep calling 'em Sess and you won't have to worry about that Miroku guy getting that ass. "Of course. Such a disgusting fiend deserves to be cast off in the deepest dungeon for trying to steal your innocence." Sesshomaru turned his head away, keeping Inuyasha's hands tight in his. "I couldn't imagine doing such a thing…."

'_You're so full of shit' _Said Charlotte's Web.

Naraku shook his head, knowing good and damn well he needed to get involved otherwise Sesshomaru was going to get them all sent to jail. "Alright when exactly are you supposed to spend the weekend with him?"

The biggest smile spread like butter on Inuyasha's face and he bowed at the waist to the other help. "Thank you so much guys."

Sesshomaru took a quick picture of his behind and shoved it in his pocket. "Of course, we're here for you."

"First things first," Naraku retrieved Sesshomaru's ITouch phone to get rid of that picture, "I have an idea but we need Koga," Where's that blasted ass shot? He looked up at a smug faced Sesshomaru, narrowing his eyes maliciously.

"Koga is," Where the hell is Koga? He was just here. Oh wait Sesshomaru knew. He snatched Inuyasha by the arm and dragged him outside the shop, pointing straight ahead to a navy blue impala (the latest model so it's pretty sweet) parked at the end of the sidewalk. "Inuyasha you see that car?"

"Yea, what about it?" Inuyasha cupped his eyes against the sun's glare to see the graceful slickness of Koga's car. Whew that's a nice car.

Sesshomaru bent down and picked up a large rock. "Here, throw it at a ninety five degree angle, westbound at exactly twenty six miles per hour."

Inuyasha took the rock. "Why?"

"Don't worry," Sesshomaru took a baseball sized rock throwing it up and down in his hand, the cruelest smirk on his face. "I'll do it too."

* * *

><p>Koga knew as soon as Inuyasha ran through the front door and heard his situation; he turned tailed and ran out of there as fast as he could. There was no way in hell he was going to be someone's backup plan. When he turned eighteen last year it'd been the best thing to ever happen to him and they wanted to screw it up with this bullshit. Well not today dammit. Koga Espada was going to put his foot down this time and just say no.<p>

He had the music cranked to the highest volume smacking in sync with the drummer and guitars singing loud. Suddenly he got no sort of warning when his back seat and front seat windows burst into a million pieces scaring the living shit out of him. "Jesus freaking Christ!" He shouted, mouth wide in disbelieve.

He looked at the two tall figures up the sidewalk, waving at him as if it were a pleasant Sunday morning. Koga looked over at the rocks on his seats and quickly put two and two together. "Are you assholes insane?" He hollered to the smug faced demons.

"Koga we need you back in the shop!" Sesshomaru called down to him.

"Fuck the shop, look what you did to my ride!" Koga growled at the scattered pieces of glass littered on the ground and the seats. "Why the hell did you throw rocks at my car?"

Inuyasha blinked down looking around and picked up another rock, looking at it strangely. "The rock said it didn't like your car." And proceeded to throw that one too.

Koga couldn't crank up his car fast enough—well magically it somehow came on in time with his girly shriek—and he managed to pull off before it hit. Stupid ass talking rocks.

* * *

><p>Sesshomaru sat back in his usual chair watching Inuyasha lick away at his <em>'Special Blend' <em>ice cream until Koga came stomping in the shop made as all get out. "Somebody's gonna pay for my car!" He shouted to no one who cared.

When no one answered he looked at each person including the little pink demon still licking ice cream and sighed defeated, "If I do it will you pay for my car?"

The oldest brother pushed up his glasses, "We'll get to that after you take care of the teacher."

"Fine." Koga sunk in a booth seat hands dropped between his knees. "What do I gotta do?"

Meanwhile, Inuyasha finished off his ice cream cone slurping up the last drops before eating the whole waffle cone. That had to be the best ice cream he'd ever had. "Sesshomaru can I have another one?"

"Of course," Sesshomaru reached under the table...wait no he was getting the bucket of ice cream marked _Special Blend_ and a bowl (who knows where that came from) and scooped out five large scoops.

"Thanks," Inuyasha pulled up his bowl, excitedly spooning up a generous portion. He purred with so much content, Sesshomaru crossed his legs to keep from poking a hole in the table. "Damn this is good. What's it called again?"

Molestable Blends. "It doesn't have a name. It's just a Special Blend."

"What's in it? It tastes great."

"...My personal creams."

* * *

><p><strong>TBC: …I'm so awful lol. ^_^<strong>


	6. Let's Grant Wishes

**Author's Rant: **Due to Tropical Storm Lee pounding us with heavy rains, floods, winds and all that jazz I hadn't had any time to update my chapters on schedule lol. So let's begin the craziness shall we? Thanks so much for the song requests from **Nikkie23534** and **New Yorker**. I'll use both on each separate shop day ok? ^_^

**Let's Grant Wishes**

Define stupid…Koga Espada. Define flunky…Koga Espada…Define…Ah hell you get the picture. Koga was the choice in Operation: Save Inuyasha from one pedophile (so he can be placed in the arms of the next.) By the time Naraku was done with the finishing touches of his scheme. Yes _his scheme, _it struck as odd that he was saving Inuyasha's ass from being groped by one older man only to be molested by the other. So where exactly would the twisted logic work out?

"So why am I dressed like this again?"

"Because it's what Mr. Miroku likes."

Koga turned around in the window reflection, marveling at the freaky outfit. "The guy likes fairies?"

Inuyasha adjusted on of the feathery fluffed pink wings and curled a purple antenna on Koga's head. "That and little boys. Saw a picture of the prince off Thumbelina on his wallpaper."

"Are you sure?"

"Yea," Inuyasha bent over—unfortunately giving Sesshomaru a discreet nosebleed—to fix the wings lower. "I saw pictures on his Facebook page too. His friends dressed up like tooth fairies at a teacher's conference and he's got lots of cut the Disney princes in tights."

At that, the most pitiful whimper bubbled off Koga's lips as he put up the best droopy dog expression he could to his brothers. "Why do I have to go in like this?" He whined helplessly.

The _this_ referring to the lovely display of skin tight (we talking painted on so tight they're defined as nut crushers) lavender, orange and bright neon pink stripes curving and plastered all over the black leotard, stopping at the wolf's freshly shaved legs. Compliments of Naraku's razor that shall never touch his face again. Koga's hair was dyed a bright shade of platinum blonde with pretty silver glittery stringers glued in and to top it all off just right…you guessed it. Sesshomaru made sure the leotard was thong styled, giving Koga's ass an extra lift. You thought there'd be a wand huh? Nope, Sesshomaru says that's tacky.

After Inuyasha straightened out the frilly puff balls cuffed on Koga's ankles, and wrists he stood up and smiled, quite proud of the outcome. "You look great."

"You look stunning." Naraku mumbled sarcastically.

Sesshomaru's face produced the tiniest, tiniest microscopic frown when for the most horrid realization came to mind—he was speechless—Koga looked molestable. How long was he supposed to wear this now? And why hadn't he thought about getting Inuyasha that fire fairy suit from the store when he was there? Damn, he was going to molest him.

Koga pouted his purple lipstick lips, "Why the hell can't you do it Naraku? You look more like a woman then I do."

"Please," Naraku flipped a lock of his super gorgeous hair over his shoulder, "As if I want the likes of a man touching this." Emphasis on this as he waved his hand up and down the perfection that was himself.

Should've known that wouldn't work, so Koga tried Sesshomaru and frowned suspiciously. "Now why the hell can't you do it? You definitely look like a chick!"

Sesshomaru patted the hanyou's fluffy hair. "Inuyasha how old is your teacher?"

The adorable pile of molestable qualities blinked up at the tall demon and thought it over. Sesshomaru's expression softened when the little underage tilted his head to the side, making a pouty expression. Gods he was going to molest the shit out of him. "Uh twenty eight I think."

What the fu— "Oh hell no—" Uh-oh what Sesshomaru meant to say as he cleared his throat "The teacher's missing the qualities this store desires. Namely one thru twelve. Therefore it makes only tactical sense not to send me over." A clash of two pedophiles? It was unheard of. Sesshomaru had his territory child victims and Miroku had his variety.

"Don't lump us in the same lot as you, you brat," Naraku mumbled smacking Sesshomaru's hand off the purring jailbait and glanced at the wall clock, next to Charlotte's web. "Get over there Koga and be back by ten. I need the kitchen cleaned."

"Why can't Sesshomaru clean the kitchen?" Inuyasha questioned like it was any of his business.

Sesshomaru was already gone before anyone could question it. Like hell he was cleaning that kitchen.

* * *

><p>"Koga I don't know," Inuyasha grumbled looking in his hands at the stacks of magazines just given. "What if I get caught?"<p>

Koga rolled his glued on eyelashes and purple contact eyes, "The point is to get caught. Check it, if Mr. Teach catches you looking at one of these there's no way in hell he'll want you."

"But what if it still turns him on?" Inuyasha wasn't so sure how a bunch of porn mags were going to scare the teacher off, let alone make him lose interest.

That made Koga ask his next question, "By the way are you gay?"

"Am I what?"

"Are. You C 7 A Y?"

Inuyasha blinked hard. Really hard. "Oh no, I'm straight. Just like that pole." He pointed at a street light across the street for some reason. Guess to prove how straight he was…though the pole was a little crook.

Koga shrugged. Oh well too bad for Sesshomaru. "Come on let's get this over with."

* * *

><p>With Inuyasha gone down the hall to perform part one of their plans, Koga took an extremely deep breath and blew out the aggravated butterflies fluttering in his super tight leotard. He stepped through the front office, flipping his nicely styled blonde locks over his shoulder and sauntered in, bracing his hands on the counter. "Hello there," he purred painstakingly to the administrator.<p>

The young ebony haired woman glanced up and smiled. "Hello, how may I help you?"

Koga was caught off guard at her pleasant greeting. Apparently pretty man fairies came in here often. "Yes I'm here to make dreams come true for a certain freshman teacher."

"Oh, I'm sorry sir but we're not allowed to let fairies in the classrooms."

"But, but," Koga thought fast and batted his extra-long eyelashes, waving his arms as if to cast a spell "I have to make sure he has great a bibbidi, babbidi boo!" Where the hell did that come from?

"Oh dear," the front desk woman quickly flipped through the teacher's files who taught the freshman classes. "We can't have our teachers going around without their magic can we? What's the teacher's name?"

"Miroku," He answered quickly.

"Ah yes, here he is," She quickly jotted down his room number and home address, social security number, birthday, and favorite color. "Here, but be sure to wear this too," she handed him a sticker with _'Wild Fairy'_ scribbled on, and smiled happily. "We have to make sure our kids are safe."

"Sure." Koga tuck the tag on and walked out confused as all get out. He couldn't believe that lady just let a full grown man dressed like a tacky drag fairy into the school, gave her all of the teachers life on a piece of paper and with a smile. This left Koga to wonder what kind of life Inuyasha lived. Every damn place he went too was crazy.

* * *

><p>Inuyasha sunk in his seat blushing to the roots of his hair. He couldn't believe he let those idiots talk him into doing this. Here he was in the middle of Biology openly reading a magazine full of leg gapping women and men. What would his friends think if they saw him studying his own version of the female anatomy? Each time the temptation to shove the damn thing back in his bag eased up his spine, he'd remember Naraku saying that he needed to let me be clear that his interests lied elsewhere, that didn't involve his asshole being plundered.<p>

So here he was flipping through each page observing each new shade of pink open like the very book he was reading. As tempting as it was to jack off to the lovely displays of T and A, Inuyasha just wasn't interested. If one paid attention then they'd notice that Inuyasha's eyes lingered on the men positioned provocatively on or under or behind some of the women. Newsflash if no one discovered by now, Inuyasha was gay. Yes he was very gay, just not in the traditional way. Why he lied? He had a very good reason. He didn't want his newfound older friends to think he was weird for liking boys.

There was a time he'd hoped Sesshomaru was gay too but after seeing the way he'd stare at that little pink haired girl at the shop all the time, Inuyasha changed his mind. There was no way a hottie like Sesshomaru wanted a guy when he could get anyone he wanted. Oh well, no need to worry about that now. Inuyasha had to keep his ass cheeks from spreading.

"Hey Inuyasha what cha reading," Whispered Kagome, looking over his shoulder.

Inuyasha didn't care. Kagome was a lesbian so he showed her.

"Oh man that's hot!" She shrieked, mugging him for the whole magazine. With no magazine in hand Inuyasha had no choice but to pull out a thicker one and looked through it. His left ear twitched from hearing Kagome moan and oh at every new picture she deemed sexy and even pointed out a rather interesting one. "Inuyasha look at this one."

And look he did. He must've missed this one because it had two guys and a chick doing each. Hold it—that's when Inuyasha nearly ripped the pages off noticing a special detail. Damn, that woman had a big dick—

"Ahem."

The two students flinched at the deep growl overhead and sunk low in their chairs. Miroku snatched both books looking distastefully at the scandalous photos and nasty images of women shaped in every which away. The ball of his lips curled angrily as he crumbled both magazines in his hands. "Inuyasha, Kagome please stand in the hall for the rest of the period. I'll deal with you both then."

Kagome groaned and Inuyasha shrugged. He didn't give a damn. It was all part of the plan.

Miroku was secretly heartbroken and sighed. He could've sworn Inuyasha was gay.

* * *

><p>While out in the hall, Inuyasha sighed a breath of relief when he saw his favorite Fairy God Mother coming down the hall, walking awkward to not squeeze her balls. Luckily Kagome didn't listen to the rules and just went home. Koga stomped passed without as much as a side glance at the chuckling hanyou, mumbled a "go to the ship," and burst into the classroom. "Hellllllo everyone!"<p>

Miroku dropped his marker when he saw his childhood fantasy come true and whispered thank you to the ceiling.

Koga placed his hands on his hips and wiggled his way to the front of the class, hopping on the desk, legs gapped wide.

"Erm, can I help you kind sir?" Miroku questioned, feeling really hot under the collar.

"Nah, I can wait," Koga got comfortable flopping back, knocking over all the pencils, pens, and all that other stuff.

Who was the Miroku to disturb his god's wish? So he shrugged it off and went back to teaching today's lesson. It took nearly fifteen minutes before all of the children returned their attention to the front board. Good because Koga needed to look for some evidence. With Sesshomaru being his brother, he knew exactly what to look for. Pictures, letters, drawings, souvenirs, anything that screamed illegal—bingo. What do we have here?

_Dear Diary,_

_Today marks the most wondrous anniversary from six months ago. The very day I came across the most delicious looking student. A beautiful white haired sixteen year old, with the most beautiful ass and well-shaped puppy ears and round hazel eyes. I have never seen anything so utterly edible and incredibly tasty in my life besides Bankotsu. Like his cousin, both of them were blessed with the firm supple textures called their behinds and someday I hope to have the pleasures of having to squeeze that ass in my bare hands!_

_Love Fairy Brother Miroku._

Koga lifted an eyebrow, flipping through more pages and stumbled upon a very interesting one. Right in the dead center was a decorated picture of Inuyasha's butt bent over and Inuyasha's head happening to stick off to the side just right with a light blush on his face. Stars, rainbows and little flowers were drawn all around. Well, well, well, looks like Mr. Miroku has some naughty evidence after all. Sesshomaru would love to have his hands on this.

Koga stole the picture to use as future bribe and jumped when the school bell rung.

"Class dismissed. Get out or fail!" Shouted Miroku and that sent every child out within a record two minutes. With no witnesses, Miroku closed and locked the door, braced against it with a seductive smile on his face. Finally, a chance to have sex with a consenting fairy.

Koga matched his smile, rolling onto his stomach with a silly wink.

"Well now, to what do I owe the company of my fair god?" Miroku unbuttoned his shirt top, showing off a little flesh.

Koga lifted his back legs, rocking one at a time. "Well baby, I just wanted to make some wishes come true." He rolled off the desk and walked over to the teacher, blue eyes locked. "But maybe," Koga poked his finger in the teacher's chest, "You can make my wish come true."

"Hmm do you think so?" Miroku took the pointed tip and kissed the length. "How can I grant your wish?"

Koga ripped his hand free and flashed the little picture, "By not touching a certain little puppy wuppy."

Miroku turned so white, he nearly matched the snow polish on Koga's nails.

"Here's the deal," Buzzed the magical fairy man. "Let's leave the underage kiddies alone and I won't have to broadcast this to the entire city. What do you say?"

Miroku looked at the lovely photo he treasured so dearly then glanced at the malicious sexy pixie with too much make-up. He couldn't risk losing this job. He'd worked so hard to get this far, but then that meant he'd have to give up on his precious little Inu…Oh well can't win them at all.

At the timid little nod, Koga pocketed the little picture and walked around the shoulder slumped loser.

"Wait," Was the teacher's soft whisper.

Koga kept his back to the other, appearing strong and genuinely powerful as a tall man made up in all those wacky colors.

"Could I have your name? I must know the name of my dream god."

"My name?" Koga turned slowly, very very very slow, as the blond wig swung crook over his eyes. "They call me," Put those hands on those hips babe, "The Fairy who keepeth thy assholes." And with that noble speech awkwardly said, Koga left the teacher standing there… a manly stride down the school hall in his thong style leotard.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC: There was no shop time so no<strong>** songs here loveys. But I promise they'll be in the next one. Miroku's out of the way, let's see what happens next time. Sesshomaru's going to make a super bold move. ^_^**


	7. Every Molestable Minute

**Disclaimer**: I don't know the songs **Mercedes** **Boy** by **Pebbles** or **Telephone** by** Lady Gaga**. The plot was inspired by **The Restaurant** by **Mamotte Ageru**

**Author's Rant**: More crack! ^_^

**Every Molestable Minute**

By the time Koga made it across the street, Inuyasha was already in a booth working his ass off on a project Sesshomaru demanded he have done by the end of the day.

Koga came through the door ignoring every odd glance he received for stripping most of his clothing off on his way there and came to sit half naked with his blonde hair and colorful makeup still painted on his face. Who in the hell knew being a fairy could be so exhausting? Then again who would've thought he had it in him to seduce another man?

With it being a little early for their customers to arrive, Sesshomaru finished off spying on the other children long enough to come check on his assignment for Inuyasha. "Are you done yet?"

Inuyasha quickly covered the paper, a bright blush on his face "No, no go away I'm not done yet!"

Sesshomaru rolled his eyes and went to the back of the kitchen to make some more special blend ice cream since he wasn't using the ingredient for anything else. Naraku paid no mind since the special blend seemed to be a hit with the teenage females (despite the fact they weren't allowed because of their japan like jungles). They'd made more than enough for today's profit and would be well off for the next week. Though he couldn't understand why Sesshomaru wanted to be so stingy with the stuff.

After Koga caught his last breathe, curiosity got the better of him and it was then that he noticed all of the stuff spread out on the table. Glue, crayons, paper, glitter, dry macaroni noodles, and markers. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Making a pretty picture," Inuyasha answered simply, reaching over for an orange marker.

There were three other sheets with badly drawn pictures on them, one in particular resembling what Koga thought was a badly scribbled rainbow ball with a wiggly heart? "What the hell is this supposed to be?"

"That? Oh that's a peacock," Came the wrong answer to Koga who couldn't believe this ugly piece of whatever could be considered a peacock. How in the three shades of cockdom can a person think this was a peacock?

Oh this was rich. There was no way Koga was going to let this one slip. So he stole the little badly drawn artwork and ran up to Naraku, waving it in his face with a huge smile, "Hey what does this look like to you?"

Naraku blinked at the picture, then frowned at Koga, "It's a peacock you dolt. Now clean off those windows."

"Awwww, "Bull-freaking-shit. Koga looked at the ugly piece of work amazed. There was no way—was he missing something here? So he ran off to Charlotte waving it at her web. "Yo what's this?"

He waited for a good five minutes to have his answer tangled together, _'Are you blind? It's a fucking peacock!'_

Minus the fact he was just cussed out by a spider, Koga was shocked as all get out that this picture was legit to everyone but him. But there was no way in hell he was blind. This he proved as he again studied the ragged ball of colorful swirls and crooked yellow heart (while he was still dressed as a half-naked fairy). So he ran to the back kitchen to their newest cook and pushed the picture in his face, "What is this Tsukuyomaru?"

The sassy dark skin cook with lovely silver hair, stared at the picture and Koga like they were retarded, "It's a peacock you idiot."

"Agh!" He gave up. It was official that every single demon in there was out of whack. Was he the only one to see this misshapen piece crap for what it was?

As he walked out of the kitchen, a low slump in his glittery shoulders, Sesshomaru came up to him wondering who put that sadness in his little brother. "What's wrong?"

Koga sighed holding up a picture, "Sesshomaru, what's this?" he asked droopily.

Sesshomaru tilted his head to the side, marveling at the cleverly worked swirls and braided brands of colors so artistically done, "My word it's a beautiful peacock. Did Inuyasha do this?" At the confirmed nod, Sesshomaru fought violently with Koga to steal the picture and hurried to the backroom.

Soon it was time for the shop to shut down its doors for the day on a lovely singing note that Naraku was shocked to find from his collection of CDs. Oddly there seemed to be some hidden significance behind the chosen lyrics and the oldest brother wasn't sure if he should be worried for his car or the boy who'd be riding…

_Do you wanna ride in my Mercedes boy? _

_Tell me what you're gonna do with me _

_'Cause if you wanna ride in my Mercedes boy _

_There are so many things that I'm gonna do to you _

_Do you wanna ride in my Mercedes boy? _

_Tell me what you're gonna do with me _

_'Cause if you wanna ride in my Mercedes boy _

_There are so many things that I'm gonna do to you_

_Do you wanna ride? _

_Ride, ride what are you gonna with me, me, me _

_Ride, ride what are you gonna with me, me, me_

Naraku chose the latter, "Sesshomaru don't touch my Mercedes!" Damn he drove that today because he didn't want Sesshomaru driving his other one. He didn't want that fingerprint powder on his car or kiddie cum on his leather seats.

Sesshomaru grabbed his jacket in one hand and had the hanyou in the other. Tonight was the night and he'd be damned if he wasn't going to do it in style. He was going to get a piece of this young ass and enjoy every molestable minute.

"Freeze!" Yelled Tsukuyomaru, rushing out of the kitchen holding his trusty spoon. Sesshomaru nearly shit his pants—he though the police found out. On command every single person froze what they were doing, respectfully giving the sassy demon their eyes. "Who stole the got'damn beef?"

Hidden from view in the newest shadowy corner of the shop was a tiny little spider releasing the smallest burp. Charlotte hadn't seen the beef.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for letting me spend the night Sesshomaru. I appreciate it."<p>

No you delectable sin on legs, it was his pleasure. "I do what I can to help those in need." In Charlotte's famous words, _'you're so full of shit'_

Since Inuyasha was supposed to be spending the weekend with Mr. Miroku he couldn't return home right? So Sesshomaru (Not Naraku and Koga) came up with the idea that the puppy should stay at his house. Let the molesting begin.

"You live far out huh?" Inuyasha asked suddenly noticing the lack of suburban living normally populated with civilians.

"I prefer living in a quiet location," One deprived of witnesses and the elderly. Especially Naraku and Koga, the party poopers and another person Sesshomaru wouldn't dream of thinking about. When they came to a stop light, Sesshomaru reached over to stroke the supple thickness that was Inuyasha's illegal weenie and would've succeeded had a loud interruption not screamed from another car.

"Hey Inuyasha what's up bro?"

Inuyasha looked over to see his cousin Bankotsu hitting on the passenger side of his best friend's car Hiten. "Hey Tsu Tsu!" The window went down and out went half of Inuyasha's body waving frantically to his friend.

Bankotsu slide out the other side waving his hand. Hiten and Sesshomaru side glanced the other in silent recognition. A very interesting vibe only Sesshomaru would know anywhere.

"Hey Yash' who's that man?" Bankotsu hollered from his side of the street.

"He's my friend. We're going to his house for some fun!"

"Ohhh I'm tellin' aunt Izayoi—oh nevermind," Bankotsu sunk back in his seat after seeing the evil glare of his older cousin. As he sunk down Hiten mumbled something interesting to his friend and Tsu Tsu replied happily, pointing over to the other car. Hiten lifted an eyebrow at the joyous hanyou speaking to the silver haired man and smirked saying something else that sent Bankotsu in a fit of giggles. Then he roughly shoved the kid's head in his lap.

The light turned green and both cars took off in a race at first before going their separate ways.

"Inuyasha?"

"Yea?"

"Who was that?"

"My cousin Bankotsu."

"Interesting…is he dating that other man by any chance?"

"No they're just friends," Inuyasha frowned at the strange question, "Why do you ask?"

"Because I go to school with the driver…he's twenty two and…" He hesitated, a small smile on his face. "I saw him push the kid's head down in his lap." Sesshomaru made a right, ignoring the horrified expression on his jailbait's face.

Inuyasha gasped. Bankotsu was only fifteen. He didn't know how to do that yet, "TSU TSU!"

* * *

><p>"Whew, thanks Hiten. I needed that," Bankotsu coughed up his candy and threw it out the window. "If my head hadn't thumped your thigh I would've choked."<p>

Hiten clapped a firm hand on the innocent teen's leg, giving a molestable—erm ahem, friendly squeeze. "Noooo problem," The cruelest smirk ruptured on the thunder demon's face as he reached under his seat for a colorful bag, "More candy?" Yes he liked 'em young too.

* * *

><p>It was around nine o clock when Sesshomaru finally pulled up to his two story home and had Inuyasha sitting on his couch mildly upset. He'd received a soft spanking in the car for jumping up and down on Sesshomaru's leather seats and a proper scolding that he shouldn't butt into other people's blowjobs or relationships. That's why he was sitting cross legged, arms folded pouting like a little kid waiting on Sesshomaru who suspiciously had to hurry off to the bathroom for one reason or another.<p>

Suddenly there was a loud crash coming from behind that resulted in a small green like machine stumbling out of the hallway pantry. Inuyasha's mouth thinned at the sight of a little imp scrambling on the floor holding a cordless phone singing a tune, he wished he had some rhythm for since the little guy was in front of him now shaking his ass and waving the cordless phone every which away.

_Hello, hello, baby;  
>You called, I can't hear a thing.<br>I have got no service  
>in the club, you see, see…<br>Wha-Wha-What did you say?  
>Oh, you're breaking up on me…<br>Sorry, I cannot hear you,  
>I'm kinda busy.<em>

_K-kinda busy_  
><em>K-kinda busy<em>  
><em>Sorry, I cannot hear you, I'm kinda busy.<em>

_Just a second,_  
><em>it's my favorite song they're gonna play<em>  
><em>And I cannot text you with<em>  
><em>a drink in my hand, eh…<em>  
><em>You shoulda made some plans with me,<em>  
><em>you knew that I was free.<em>  
><em>And now you won't stop calling me;<em>  
><em>I'm kinda busy.<em>

_Stop callin', stop callin',_  
><em>I don't wanna think anymore<em>!  
><em>I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.<em>  
><em>Stop callin', stop callin',<em>  
><em>I don't wanna talk anymore!<em>  
><em>I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.<em>

Inuyasha stared in awe that this thing could actually hold his own wiggly his negative ass cheeks, all the while balancing a phone that was twice his size.

_Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh…  
>Stop telephonin' me!<br>Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh…  
>I'm busy!<br>Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh…  
>Stop telephonin' me!<br>Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh…_

_Can call all you want,_  
><em>but there's no one home,<em>  
><em>and you're not gonna reach my telephone!<em>  
><em>Out in the club,<em>  
><em>and I'm sippin' that bub,<em>  
><em>and you're not gonna reach my telephone!<em>

_Call when you want,_  
><em>but there's no one home,<em>  
><em>and you're not gonna reach my telephone!<em>  
><em>Out in the club,<em>  
><em>and I'm sippin' that bub,<em>  
><em>and you're not gonna reach my telephone!<em>

Inuyasha started bobbing his head snapping with the little imps dance moves, which were currently an awesome display of the worm.

_Boy, the way you blowin' up my phone  
>won't make me leave no faster.<br>Put my coat on faster,  
>leave my girls no faster.<br>I shoulda left my phone at home,  
>'cause this is a disaster!<br>Callin' like a collector -  
>sorry, I cannot answer!<em>

_Not that I don't like you,  
>I'm just at a party.<br>And I am sick and tired  
>of my phone r-ringing.<br>Sometimes I feel like  
>I live in Grand Central Station.<br>Tonight I'm not takin' no calls,  
>'cause I'll be dancin'.<em>

_'Cause I'll be dancin'_  
><em>'Cause I'll be dancin'<em>  
><em>Tonight I'm not takin' no calls, 'cause I'll be dancin'!<em>

_Stop callin', stop callin',_  
><em>I don't wanna think anymore!<em>  
><em>I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.<em>  
><em>Stop callin', stop callin',<em>  
><em>I don't wanna talk anymore!<em>  
><em>I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.<em>

_Stop callin', stop callin',_  
><em>I don't wanna think anymore!<em>  
><em>I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.<em>  
><em>Stop callin', stop callin',<em>  
><em>I don't wanna talk anymore!<em>  
><em>I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.<em>

_Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh…_  
><em>Stop telephonin' me!<em>  
><em>Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh…<em>  
><em>I'm busy!<em>  
><em>Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh…<em>  
><em>Stop telephonin' me!<em>  
><em>Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh…<em>

_Can call all you want,_  
><em>but there's no one home,<em>  
><em>you're not gonna reach my telephone!<em>  
><em>'Cause I'm out in the club,<em>  
><em>and I'm sippin' that bub,<em>  
><em>and you're not gonna reach my telephone!<em>

_Call when you want,_  
><em>but there's no one home,<em>  
><em>and you're not gonna reach my telephone!<em>  
><em>'Cause I'm out in the club,<em>  
><em>and I'm sippin' that bub,<em>  
><em>and you're not gonna reach my telephone!<em>

_My telephone!_  
><em>M-m-my telephone!<em>  
><em>'Cause I'm out in the club,<em>  
><em>and I'm sippin' that bub,<em>  
><em>and you're not gonna reach my telephone!<em>

_My telephone!_  
><em>M-m-my telephone!<em>  
><em>'Cause I'm out in the club,<em>  
><em>and I'm sippin' that bub,<em>  
><em>and you're not gonna reach my telephone!<em>

_We're sorry… the number you have reached is not in service at this time._  
><em>Please check the number, or try your call again later.<em>

Finally after ending on its head the creature held up the phone a blushing smile on its beak like mouth, "Hello sir, I am milord's cradle for his phone. I go by the name Jaken."

"Oh," Inuyasha sat up folding his arms. "Why were you singing?" Strange that Sesshomaru would have a phone slave hiding in his closest.

"Sorry about that. Its Sesshomaru's wish to have a song for each call," Jaken scrambled up on the couch, holding the phone out. "Here would you like to answer? I need someone to answer or I'll get in trouble."

Inuyasha immediately felt sorry for the little thing and took the offered phone, not wanting him to be punished. It started to ring. Funny because he thought there'd already be someone on here but oh well, if it was save the green imp from trouble.

"Hello? Is this Jaken again?" Said the deepest voice Inuyasha had heard in his entire life.

The hanyou glanced over at the cute slave to see if he'd reply and shrugged, "No its not…I'm someone else."

"Oh…did he make you call me this late?"

"Sort of," Inuyasha felt awkward talking to this man with a super deep voice. Every time he talked it rumbled in his stomach.

"Who is this? How old are you?"

"Umm I'm sixteen—"

"You're sixteen!" The voice bellowed shocked. Inuyasha had to strain his ear to hear what sounded like _'Sesshomaru finally got one' _"Alright kid here's the deal, you seem like a great boy so we're going to play a little game ok? But it'll only work if you do exactly as I say, understand?"

"Umm ok."

"Fine, first things first I need you to take your shirt off," Now Inuyasha was slightly confused. Why the hell was some random guy telling him to take off his shirt? But since there was no one around but the little phone slave, he did as asked, "You took the shirt off? Excellent, now I need the pants gone—don't talk back just do what I say. Make sure to keep the underies on." Inuyasha blushed and nodded on the phone, stripping off his school pants. "Now here's the tricky part. I need you to get on all fours, shove your face in the couch but keep your ass in the air. Ease your underies to the edge where your crack begins—no lip, just do it." It took a while but Inuyasha managed to do it all with the phone cradled between his cheek and shoulder. "Ok kid, now spread your legs, and put two fingers in the panties, just on the rim." Inuyasha did it too. "Lastly I need you to shake your hair in a mess. I'm talking crazy and blush a little if you can. You did everything?"

"Yea but why am I doing this?" Inuyasha murmured from the couch cushion and the pile of plush hair over his face.

He heard deep snickering, "You'll see." Click. The call ended.

Jaken crawled over to retrieve the phone from the awkward position and sat next to Inuyasha's head, holding the phone to his chest. "How do you feel?" He asked the weird hanyou.

"Ok, I guess," But how long was he supposed to stay like this? As strange as it was, it wasn't uncomfortable just weird being placed in this way. Jaken was settled by Inuyasha's head humming his ringtone, kicking his feet happily while Inuyasha just sat there assembly waiting for Sesshomaru.

Who had come out just when Inuyasha was getting his last position and twisted back around to clean yet the second major nosebleed since the spanking incident. It took five minutes for the blood loss to be back under control before Sesshomaru came out, icy expression in place to find Inuyasha still in the same tantalizing spot.

"Ahem."

Jaken jumped up. "Good evening milord, how was your shower—?"

"Jaken did you call Father?" Sesshomaru cut off sternly.

"Yes sir but I can explain—"

"No you called Father when you were given specific orders not to do so. Be gone, I shall deal with you later."

Jaken signed and turned away, dragging the cordless phone by the antenna till he reached the closest door and shut himself inside. He'll be fine. It's the same side as a walk in. More than enough room for some barely the size of a phone.

"And you."

Inuyasha lifted his head adorably from the seat, ass still in the air.

That's it. The boy dug his own grave. "Go…Go to bed."

"Ok," Inuyasha rolled to the side in his tightie whiteies and hurried down the hallway, glancing in each room before finding the one he was supposed to sleep in and disappeared inside.

The doors were all locked. Windows were secured. The telephone was back in place. Cell phone was on silent. No neighbors were around. It was perfectly done. Now it was time. Sesshomaru was finally going to have his chance to taste every inch of this boy and enjoy every molestable minute of it. This was the cause of his mischievous smirk as he walked down the hall way toward the guest room where Inuyasha sat innocently in the center of the bed, ears perked.

"I'm ready for bed!" He chirped happily.

"So am I…" Sesshomaru smiled like a feral predator as he slammed the door and locked it tight. There was no escape now. That juicy piece of jail bait was his. Fufufufhahahaha (mental evil cackle)

* * *

><p><strong>TBC: AH HA! Cliffy and molestable lemon next chapter…maybe ^_^<strong>


	8. Oh Hell Yea Damn Nevermind

**Author's Rant:** Ok let's get started. I plan on making this the final chapter but then again that could still be up for debate. Let's see what my fingers decide. The song belongs to **Benny Mardones. **Thank you Nikki and Jorge ^_^.

**Warning: **Underage/Adult stuff.

**Oh Hell Yea. Damn Nevermind**

Sesshomaru's gonna get some ass. Sesshomaru's gonna get some ass. Sesshomaru's gonna get some ass.

Yea he's saying that in his head but his face was stone frozen like a lion ready to eat the yummy steak covered in A1 sauce. Mmm he'd sure look good smother in that sauce. You know what they say, every last lick counts (that's not what they say so just flow with it).

Inuyasha had absolutely no idea what was about to happen, which was how Sesshomaru like 'em. Innocence just makes the molesting that more delicious.

When Inuyasha tilted that sexy head of his and those puppy ears twitched, it took all of Sesshomaru's adult control not jump the boy right then and there. Not that he wasn't going to rip this kid a new one anyway. It's just that he wants to savior every molestable minute.

Inuyasha sat back on his hands, bump his feet together at the end, wondering how long his toenails have been that pretty and shrugged it off, tilting his head to the side for some reason or another. He had no idea he was displaying the perfect dream of every pedo's dreams. A young boy happily spread out in his tightie whities without a care in the world.

You know how in the movies the character snaps his fingers and poof music starts playing? Well Sesshomaru doesn't have that installed yet so he had to start the music by remote. Now this was the song to get your molest on with. If a pedo didn't have this playing in his stereo he wouldn't dare claim the truest title of child molester.

_He's just sixteen years old  
>Leave his alone, they say,<br>Separated by fools  
>Who don't know what love is yet<br>But i want you to know_

Oh yea he wants this tasty little sin on legs to know it all. Those police fools don't know a thing about what he's feeling right now. How heavy his member was pressing heavily against his crotch. How eager he was to hear this boy scream his name in that kiddie voice. '_Oh Sesshomaru you're so big_.' He said or _'Sesshomaru please molest me more._' He could hear it all so loud and squeaky. _'Oh Sesshomaru spank_ _me. Spank me I'm so bad, you have to molest me please. I need you to molest me._' Gods if he said that all hell'd break loose.

If i could fly  
>I'd pick you up<br>I'd take you into the night  
>And show you a love<br>Like you've never seen - ever seen  
>It's like having a dream<p>

Inuyasha curiously glanced around the room noticing the subtle seduction that hummed lightly in the dark colors and light decorations all around. It was a nice place for a single guy—Wait Sesshomaru was single right? Never thought to ask the man if he had kids or a boy-err girlfriend. "Hey Sess do you…do you…"

_Where nobody has a heart  
>It's like having it all<br>And watching it fall apart  
>And i would wait till the end<br>Of time for you  
>And do it again, it's true<br>I can't measure my love  
>There's nothing to c<em>ompare it to  
><em>But i want you to know...<em>

Sesshomaru took off his shirt. He took it off and gosh this was the time Inuyasha wished he weren't gay because his prick was begging to get out and do something terrible. When he saw those pictures of those guys in the porn mag he'd thought he'd seen it all. But to see Sesshomaru's body right here and now? Oh to hell with those skinny losers. This guy had a _body_. We talking wanna slap gravy on his mash potato chest and start licking kind of body. Look at those chocolate brown nipples begging to be suckled and those abs flexing with every move. Oh Poor Inuyasha.

Inuyasha squirmed, pulling his legs underneath him watching every step Sesshomaru took to get closer to the bed, clad only in his boxer briefs. Lucky damn boxers, hugging that supersized piece of flesh inside. If only Inuyasha could get the tiniest peek, he'd be the happiness guy all around.

But right now he couldn't be happy with a straight guy because he was gay and that's that.

Sesshomaru sat on the edge of the bed, eyes still focused tensely on the hanyous, neither wanting to blink. Sesshomaru wasn't blinking because he had to be a predator. Inuyasha wasn't blinking because Sesshomaru wasn't blinking but he hoped that he'd blink soon because his eyes were burning.

"How has your stay here been?"

"Ok I guess."

Silence filled with perverted wonder.

"Umm I like your bed," Inuyasha blurted out, blushing. Now he just left stupid. "Do you like your bed?"

Sesshomaru thought it over. "I suppose. It does make for something nice to sleep in."

"Oh." This was very awkward conversation. What exactly was Inuyasha supposed to do besides sit there in his tightie whities looking at his pretty toes?

"Do you want me to molest you?"

"What?"

"Do you want me to massage you?"

Inuyasha could've sworn he'd heard…oh well. "Sure," Inuyasha automatically turned on his stomach, resting his head in his arms.

Sesshomaru reached inside his nightstand for some oils—the same he'd bought for lube—and rubbed some in his hands. He was going to work out every kink in this kid's body and then bam. A hole in one.

Sesshomaru moved to saddle Inuyasha's smooth legs and began squeezing the palm of his hands on the swollen thighs. Rolling squeezed motions were rotated in slow gestures over those sun kissed legs as Sesshomaru worked up and down, up and down.

Inuyasha tensed than relaxed at the feel of large warm hands caressing his legs so intimately. The scent of sweet oils filled his nostrils coaxing him to full sated state of peace of slight arousal. Thank goodness he was lying on his stomach or someone was going to lose an eye.

The hanyou was getting really relaxed. Oh yea that's just fine. Sesshomaru rubbed some more oil in his hands and started kneading out some tiny knots at the small of Inuyasha's back with his thumbs, pressing certain pressure points. That must've been a sensitive section because Inuyasha gasped and squirmed under Sesshomaru's weight. Mindful of the underies, Sesshomaru's hands snaked their way up higher and higher toward those young board shoulders, with his dick directly over Inuyasha's ass.

And that's when Inuyasha felt the heaviness of what Sesshomaru was packing directly over the crack of his ass. The mere thought of all of that thick goodness easing into his virgin body bade him want to scream. Why oh why couldn't Sesshomaru be gay—but hell then again he was starting to think otherwise with the guy massaging his body so willingly.

Those slippery hands swapped away all of that long hair and molded and teased over the ball of his shoulders for the longest, making sure to mash every pebble to dirt. With each forward thrust, Sesshomaru's crotch purposely rubbed over Inuyasha's bottom creating some very wanted friction. Small whimpers of burning pleasure were muffled in his arms the best he could to prevent any noises from being heard.

After a while more of those terribly clever hands rubbing deep circles in his back, Sesshomaru's hands stopped underneath Inuyasha's armpits and lead forward. Inuyasha started when soft lips touched the middle of his neck and back junction. "W-what are you doing?" He questioned shyly and drowsily.

Another kiss pressed into his shoulder, "Do you want me to stop?"

Inuyasha thought it over for a moment, flinching every time those sugar sweet lips touched his shoulders. He was literally at a loss for words and secretly thrilled that Sesshomaru was offering this kind of attention. Besides it was only kissing. Not much to get all excited over, "Nah its fine."

"Mm," Didn't matter. Sesshomaru was already in molest mode so there was no stopping of any kind happening here.

The massaging commenced while accompanied by those hot searing kisses lightly pressed over each blade. He thoughtfully worked out all the knots, unconsciously rocking his body above Inuyasha's still placing a feathery kiss here and there. Then those sensual kisses became hot, slow licks over each flexing muscle. Aaah the taste of untouched flesh burned like the sweetest candy on Sesshomaru's taste buds. Not a single drop to be wasted as he glided from one shivering pulse to the next.

"S-Sesshom—"

"Shhh just relax," Sesshomaru whispered on a kiss, stroking his erection between those ass cheeks. "I'll take of everything."

Damn relax? That's easier said than done when you have _that _slapping against your ass. It took all of Inuyasha's being just to lie there and not arch his back at the light finger tips pressing so deep in his back.

Ohhh Sesshomaru wanted to take this to the next level. Oh yea that's right. His hands slowly grazed over the sun tanned muscles, kissing and licking every step of the way until his lips came upon those accursed tighties. Sesshomaru hooked his finger in the rim and slowly lifted up….

Inuyasha blushed the brightest red. "Sesshomaru—"

_Stop callin', stop callin',_  
><em>I don't wanna talk anymore!<em>  
><em>I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor<em>

Damn that cock blocking phone.

Inuyasha pulled himself from underneath those legs and hurried off to the living room to answer the phone. Why the hell he was answering the phone in someone else's home he had no idea. But at least it was a distraction from whatever Sesshomaru was doing to him in there.

Little Jaken danced his little jig then handed the phone over to Inuyasha. "Hello—ahem hello," Can't sound like you just had sex bud.

"Hello is this Inuyasha? The sixteen year old kid?" It was that super deep voice you can hear in your stomach from before.

"Uh yea it's me. Who's this?"

"Jaken called me before remember? I'm Sesshomaru's Father, InuTaisho."

"Oh umm good evening sir. Why are you calling this late at night?"

"Never mind that. Did you and Sesshomaru hit it and quick it yet?"

"Say what?"

"Did you two do the doggie do?"

"I'm sorry?"

Sesshomaru's father sighed heavily over the phone and repeated slowly, "How are things going with you and my son?"

"Me and your—wait," Inuyasha looked around the living room suspiciously. "How the hell did you know—"

"Nevermind that. I'm God. You don't question your God."

"What? You're not my God."

"Indeed."

Pause. Inuyasha looked at the phone then down at Jaken who was playing with his toes.

"Sooo how are things going with you and my son?"

"Uhh nothing's happened between us sir. We're just friends."

"Oh….Then you don't know about him?"

"Know what?"

"…Nothing forget it."

"It's gotta be important otherwise why call so late?"

"Don't question me. I said it's nothing so it's nothing. I'm your God you don't question your God."

"What the fu—you're not my God."

"Indeed."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "Sooo what were you going to say? What was I supposed to know?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it."

Now Inuyasha was getting irritated, "Look it's gotta be something since you called this late. So what is it?"

"I told you it's nothing then that means it's nothing. I'm your God. Don't question yo—"

"Agh go to hell!" Inuyasha picked up the phone and tossed it and Jaken against the wall.

Jaken struggled to get to his feet, holding the phone in his arms as he sniffled, "You…how could you? You hurt me!"

Inuyasha almost felt bad for the little guy but ended up remembering the call, "Well you shouldn't have called a freaking perverted God!"

Jaken's bottom lip trembled as he clutched the phone to his chest and burst into tears, running toward the closest and shut the door. He couldn't luck it because Sesshomaru says he doesn't pay any bills to earn a lock. Inuyasha sadly gave up on being the bully and ran over to knock on the door to apologize but Jaken wouldn't hear of it, screaming he had been abused.

Oh well he'd tried.

On heavier feet, Inuyasha slide walked off to the bedroom where he found Sesshomaru trying to sit sexily on the bed, one leg cocked wide while his fingers played with his nipple. Yea he found Sesshomaru like that but he didn't notice the attempt.

Inuyasha flopped on his back in the bed to stare up at the ceiling.

Feeling the innocent sex drive dim, Sesshomaru lead over to see what happened, "Is something the matter?"

"It's nothing. I just hurt Jaken."

Oh well that's no big deal. Jaken gets hurt all the time. As a matter of fact he loves it. He is a masochistic phone cradle after all. "Don't worry about it."

Conversation died off from there before Sesshomaru thought of a question that's been bugging him for a while, "Are you dating anyone by any chance? A girlfriend? Boyfriend? Boyfriend."

"Uhh," Inuyasha blushed so cutely, Sesshomaru decided he'd get double molested. "No, I-I'm not dating anyone. No girl or boy friend."

Well he didn't openly say he wasn't into boys. Soooo…. "I see."

"What about you Sesshomaru? Do you have a…a girlfriend?"

"Hell no. I'd rather die by the devil's kiss then sink my glory inside the warmth of one of those slippery fishes."

Well don't that beat all? "Then does that mean you're…" Oh please let him be "Gay?"

Sesshomaru lifted an eyebrow, "What would your reaction be if I were?"

"I-I umm I wouldn't care. Ya know," He paused before asking his next question, "Would you care if I was gay?"

"Not at all," Sesshomaru answered on the next beat. "In fact," Suddenly flipped over, hovering directly over the hanyou's body, "I should seriously hope you are."

And before another word could be said, Sesshomaru kissed him. Inuyasha gasped beyond a reasonable doubt that yes Sesshomaru was gay and that he was kissing him right now with that big cock running roughly against his.

And you know what? He kissed him right back.

* * *

><p>Somewhere off far, we talking super far in the distance. Ok maybe not that far. Perhaps a couple of streets down, there was one sleeping demon and another handling some work. Then in a simultaneously jolt both of them jumped up and looked out the window. One of them glared evilly out the transparent glass, while the other ran down the hall freaking out.<p>

"Oh my God he did it! Sesshomaru got laid!" Screamed a terrified Koga running to pack up his clothes.

"What are you doing?" Naraku asked.

"I'm getting the hell out of dodge!" Koga hiked up his supersized back pack a determined expression on his face. "I ain't gonna become somebody's bitch."

* * *

><p><strong>TBC: So the next chapter will be the final one. We almost had a lemon right? Yah Who knows what I'll have planned ^_^.<strong>


	9. Squeak, Squeak

**Author's Rant:** Ok guys last chapter of this crazy crack ^_^

**Warnings:** Lemon (you know I can't leaving ya'll hanging like that lol) Sorry Jorge.

**Squeak, Squeak**

Oh no, you couldn't tell him a damn thing now. He had this strong stride oozing total sexiness that said yes he'd had his thrill of molesting a sixteen year old last night and baby it was explosive. Yes indeed, every ounce of his being poured out in gravitating waves, strong enough to slam a younger brother into the ground for each step.

And yet with all of the evidence of pure ecstasy spilling out of his pores, no one ever saw a single smile to fully incriminate his crime. Oh yes people Naraku knew his damned-to-hell brother molested that teenage boy. He was positive of it. Naraku's known Sesshomaru all 15 years of his life. (He only claims fifteen years of Sesshomaru's life because it was at sixteen when the fool decided that he wanted to be a pedo when he grew up.)

Koga was terrified constantly looking over his shoulder every five minutes for the men-in-blue to come bursting through those doors, asking to take him downtown to be anally raped by a big dicked man who'll make him drop the soap to get a piece of his tanned, delicious—"Oh my god Sesshomaru how could you!"

The mentioned dog demon only blinked from stirring his bucket of special blended ice cream, looking as innocent as a lamb,"I haven't the foggiest idea what you're talking about."

"Yes you do!" Whined Koga looking over his shoulder for the forty-second time that day. How do we know? Because Naraku's been keeping count. "You're going to make me someone's bitch. Oh god you don't love me!" Koga dropped to the floor in an attempt to flatten his entire body on the floor as he has so many time before.

Naraku pushed up the rim of his glasses, putting away a clearly cracked milkshake glass. Yep you guessed it. The glass cracked because he doesn't want his asshole ripped in two either. He's just to proud and sexy to admit it he's scared for his utter sexiness being used and abused by Big Frank or Mr. Budda at Metro, "Where's Inuyasha?" A damnable question but he might as well ask where the brat was.

If anyone noticed—well the little pink haired, pink eyed bird child did anyway—they would've caught that tiny trickle of blood slip out of Sesshomaru's nose as he remembered the steamy time of total jail time that happened only last night. And boy did he want to break that law again and again...

**_Lemon Flashback_**

**_Lemon Scene has been transferred to AdultFanfiction_**

**_End Lemon Flashback_**

"Sesshomaru…Sesshomaru…Sesshomaru!"

Sesshomaru wiped off the nosebleed, "Yes?"

Koga frowned from the floor, "What's wrong with you?"

Naraku sighed going to turn the sign around for the shop, "He was fantasizing about that brat he molested," After that was done he wiped his fingerprints off the doorknob. There was no way in hell he was going to get involved in this bullshit. "Where's Inuyasha?"

Sesshomaru paused as another nosebleed suddenly appeared after the first, "I have to go."

"Where are you going—Sesshomaru!" Naraku followed after the running younger brother, "Where the hell are you going? We're about to open!"

"I have to get Inuyasha out the bath!"

Naraku stopped, frowning. "You left him in your bathroom?"

"No!"

"….Then where is he?"

"In your bathroom!"

Naraku's mouth hit the floor and so did Koga's who ran back inside to lock the door and turn the closed sigh. Naraku was about to explode in three…two…one "SESSHOMARU!"

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><p>Sesshomaru could give three damns about his brother's misunderstanding. Naraku should feel privileged in wanting to help him accomplish his goal. No one told the fool to buy two homes. He was practically screaming for someone to molest a kid in at least one fancy house.<p>

The minute he made it to the two story home, Sesshomaru grabbed the spare key he stole—no surprise there—and opened the door. He had to move the boy outta there before Naraku came exploding all his nonsense everywhere.

When he went to the bedroom where he last left his jail bait biscuit, there was no sign of him…

Shit….social services must've got here before he did.

"_Splish splish, I was takin' a bath  
>Long about a Saturday night"<em>

What's this? Do his ears deceive him or are those the tone deaf tunes of his beloved hanyou singing? Oh and is that a splash?

"_A rub-a-dub, just relaxin' in the tub  
>Thinkin' everything was alright"<em>

Down the hallway Sesshomaru goes. Where will he stop? Only his dick knows! Through the bedroom, through the door and low and below what does he find?

"_Yes, I was a-splishin'' and a splashin'...  
>I was a-rollin' and a-strollin'..."<em>

A cute, adorable hanyou splashing butt naked in the bath tub. Filled with vanilla scented bubbles and playing with rubber toys. Here was Inuyasha looking every inch of the picture perfect post card for a pedo and—uh-oh here comes the nose bleed— he was giggling and splashing like a molestable child.

Get it together man. You seen him naked before…"Inuyasha." ...Minus the booty bubbles.

Inuyasha blinked so cutely, squeaking a rubber dinosaur and pouted, "You left me here alone Sess," He looked so cute.

Naraku be damned. There was no way in hell Sesshomaru was letting this pass. It was time for some molesting.

"Inuyasha?"

"Yea?" Squeak, squeak.

The clothes hit the floor, "I think I need to remain you of my manhood…" Dick spring into action mode.

Inuyasha growled tossing the little toy over head, "Then come at me, Tasty Creams."

"Mm Mmm…" He was gonna molest the shit outta 'em.

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><p><strong>TBC: I know, I know, lame way to end it but poop I warned you it was crack. I hope you enjoyed it. ^_^<strong>


	10. Unwanted Competition

ATTENTION: To readers, reviewers, etc.

For those of you who've enjoyed the delicious cracky moments of Tasteful Creams I would like to inform you all of some very important news.

There will be a lovely story written by **Kenny-Chan 674** titled **"Divine Crimes" **in the Yu Yu Hakusho community. It will seem as a sort of side story to this one where Yoko Kurama opens up a similar shop across the street from Sesshomaru's Ice Cream, in hopes of snagging a young baby boy just like his rival Sesshomaru. Yoko's received a letter from Sesshomaru about how excellent the pickings for ripen illegal babes and thus encouraged the new older fox to come forth and wreck havoc on the town as well. The characters will be set as follows

Sesshomaru = Yoko

Naraku = Shuichi Minamino (Red haired Kurama)

Koga = Kuwabara

Inuyasha = Hiei

Charolette = A Fly

Bankotsu and Hiten = Jin and Touya

Others = Yusuke Urameshi

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><p><strong>Unwanted Competition<strong>

Sesshomaru didn't like this. Not one unmolestable bit. Yea he already had his jailbait piece of illegal ass under his arm, but so what? He was still an honest pedo at heart and Gods help him when he saw that despicable fool moving in across the street it was all he could do not to throw a brick through that disgusting building of his.

Pfft please. Who in their right mines tries to attract small children to a candy shop these days? Wasn't that fool not up to the ideals of modern day attractions? If he wanted to get a taste of those hairless weenies, he was gonna have to think think, think sweet and creamy; not hard and sour. But all fucking jokes aside, if that son of a bitch fox stole his eye candy, there was going to be some true hell to pay.

"Sesshomaru?"

There would be double hell if his molestable tasty was drawn over there by the acts of that twisted cradle robber, "Yes Inuyasha?"

"Who's that moving across the street?"

Deadly competition for my school reeses pieces. "Just some random people looking to open a candy shop."

"Those random people are going to steal our business," Mumbled and already irritated Naraku. It was damn near three o'clock and he still couldn't get this smudge off those glass. After several more wipes, he declared it _'fucked up'_ and tossed it in the trash. "I'm not looking to share profits with that Baby Tail Chasing Mutant with a no sense of child restraint."

Koga sat by the window, face pressed against the glass, grinning odd expressions at the people who walked by. Why? Because he was the youngest, the most immature and most likely to get cussed out. But did he care? Ohhhh no. "So what's the big deal? Kids don't like candy anymore right?"

"I like candy." Inuyasha volunteered for no reason.

"I enjoy candy." Sesshomaru agreed, simply because he knew it'd please Inuyasha into his bed tonight.

"I'd fuck the candy." Yes Naraku would fuck the candy.

_'I like candy too'_ But no one paid any mind to Charolette so she wrote _'Well forget you assholes too then_.'

Suddenly three tall occupants hoped out of a car nowhere near as sweet as their brother's car in Koga's opinion and Inuyasha's if anyone cares. One of them looked suspicious like the one Inuyasha had seen during a Stranger Danger Program they had once in the gym. You know about the lessons about not listening to weird adults and taking whatever they offer you to have sex with them in their house. . . Inuyasha was absent those days.

"We needn't worry about those fools." Naraku hummed, rolling the corner. "I doubt they'll raise much of a fuss. I'm sure by the end of the week they won't have a bucket to piss in."

A. . . bucket to piss in. Speaking of which, "Inuyasha could you grab that Special Blend ice cream from the back office?" Sesshomaru asked, with his hand squeezing the plump goodness out of Inuyasha's ass.

"Ok." Nope Inuyasha didn't care because hell they'd done worst. He grabbed a handful of Sesshomaru's ass too and lovingly kissed his cheek like a good widdle puppy and skipped off to grab the cream.

Naraku didn't allow running in the shop but skipping was permitted. "You touch him while on camera again, I'm sending you to hell." Warned the elder brother showing a hairspray can and a lighter for proof.

"I see." No he didn't.

"Here you go." Inuyasha magically appeared with the full bucket in hand, automatically reaching around to squeeze Sesshomaru's ass like itw as an everyday dream.

Sesshomaru looked at Naraku, than Inuyasha, then back to his brother, holding that lighter high and to his baby brother still putting his greasy face on the window glass. Finally decision made he didn't care. His big ole' hand reached around and slapped Inuyasha's ass, hard. All of this ass freely coming to him, young, tender and sweet? Was Naraku on that candy across the street?

There was no way in hell he wasn't molesting this brat.

"Sesshomaru?"

"Yes?"

Inuyasha's eyes got super big, "Do you like touching me?"

Ohhhh baby you have no idea. "I enjoy your presence more than anything else."

That worked just fine. Inuyasha sighed lovingly laying his head on Sesshomaru's shoulder. "You're awesome."

"Indeed." He's awesomely going to molest you later you fool.

"Should we be worried about the competition fellas?" Koga yelled out loud for no reason.

Sesshomaru shrugged, wrapping his arm around his illegal hanyou's body. "No, we needn't be concerned over them." Besides he already had his prize. There was no worry about that those guys.

He'd just better keep his prowling to a minimum. He'd already staked claims on this piece of ass.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC: I really want you guys to check out Kenny-Chan 674's "Divine Crimes" when it's posted later tonight guys BTW I gave full permission for her to use a similar plot. She's an awesome author and has a great sense of humor ^_^<strong>


	11. Knockin' Da Boots: Top That

**Disclaimer: **I own nada and make nada. The song isn't mines nor the characters. But the perverted plot is all mines.

**Author's Rant:** Time to respond to Kenny-Chan's _Chapter 2_ of _Divine Crimes_. About the song? Lol don't ask guys lol.

**Warnings:** This is a fair reminder that THIS IS STILL CRACK! And I DO NOT encourage acts of sexual activity between adults and children. This is just for fun!

* * *

><p><strong>Knockin' Da Boots: Top That<strong>

* * *

><p>That damned fool Yoko. Look at him sitting over there like he's helping people, knowing good and damn well he's supposed to be sitting next to Big Daddy Bob in jail. He should be ashamed of himself, handing all that damn candy to that tasty piece of deliciousness. That luscious ass, that dark gravity defying hair. Those lovely taunt muscles all compiled in a 4'10 body. Damn Sesshomaru wanted to molest the tantalizing goodness out of that meal ticket to the state pin. Look at those lips smack about that candy like his nut sack.<p>

Yes baby lick that candy like you want me. You want it just like that don't you, you naughty delectable sin on legs. Hm, oh oh not so fast, take your time. We got all day. Please pick the red one next, it'll represent my undying need to sex you and leave you in my bed for use after I molest Inuyasha. Yes I need to molest Inuyasha before I touch you. He came first after all.

"Sesshomaru?"

"Yes Koga?"

Koga slammed a rag across the table. "If you're gonna be goggling Kids at least don't think the shit out loud!" His ass was already tingling. To have not one but two of these damn pedophiles competing with each other? Territories were being invaded. And knowing his nasty brother, there was sure to be some kind of hell raising in here.

Sesshomaru wasn't thinking about Koga's unappreciative attitude towards God gift for tasty newborns. Probably just jealous because he can't have Sesshomaru's attention or something. Well tough cookies. Koga had his chance when he was seventeen but the idiot just had to grow up.

Meanwhile, Naraku has been on full alert since a getting word from Charlotte that the Yoko's probation officer's been scouring around the vicinity since that tacky candy shop across the street opened up. The prospect of being laid up by some big muscled, biscuit licking convict was wearing down on the perfection that was himself. So he was on guard every single second, just in case that cop decided to chance a sneak peek in the criminal master minds café. God forbid he requests that Special Blend.

That stuff was expensive and Sesshomaru still won't give the secret to its main ingredient.

Sesshomaru's left eye twitched, his pointy ears swiveled. Now he was angry. All nonsense aside about the worry of a cop who holds the power to take his ass to jail, there was something else more important bothering him.

The Youko's shop was stealing his bit. Normally Sesshomaru's café had numerous songs playing some children's song worthy lullaby about being in their pants but the fox had out done himself this time. The tunes of wanting to be your best friend were floating like a cup of kiddie cum Sesshomaru's way. His eyes widened the slightest when he saw the fox's vulpine grin aim at him through his window panel as if saying '_top that dog'. _The fox jerked his thumb toward the short child, supposed arguing with the fire red haired cashier and even Sesshomaru had to whisper the words only meant to describe Naraku.

"Touché." But Sesshomaru wouldn't be beaten. So the freaky pedo wants to take it there eh? All well and good. Sesshomaru was going to top this all day and next week. Check it this out.

"Inuyasha?"

"Yea babe?" The hanyou whom skipped school today to color more peacocks, kept his head down as he filled in a fish style feather of for the ugliest creation God could wiggle through his fingers.

Sesshomaru frowned, still keeping his cool expression out the window. "Come here."

" 'kay. Just let me finish this foot. I wanna make it pretty for the shop."

"You're not taping that devastation on my walls." Naraku suddenly said with attitude. "If you want to put it anywhere, add it to the collection in the trash can."

"D'awww Naraku you're so mean." But Inuyasha just smiled and taped it on the wall behind him instead. Than as fluttery as a bumble bee he glittered his way over to Sesshomaru and sat in the booth seat adjacent him. Sesshomaru was so beautiful. Looking all pissed and wondrous for some reason or another. Inuyasha looked out the window at the candy shop across the street half wondering if Sesshomaru wanted some candy. Gosh he sure wanted some. That new man looked pretty nice—

Suddenly Sesshomaru darted his hand out and grasped Inuyasha's hands in his. "Inuyasha."

Inuyasha blushed, shyly downing his ears to his skull. "Y-Yes?"

The moment came just in time. Right when Sesshomaru brought those hands to his lips, the song representing his heart felt desires for his precious hanyou plumped through the loud speakers. "Oh God," Naraku groaned.

_A late night I thought to back to when we made good love_

_Listening to some Marvin Gaye all night long_

_But I want that whole thing back_

_Make these moments once again go right_

_So wontcha, so wontcha, do it for us babe_

Inuyasha gasped, his eyes growing impossibly huge. Yea that was a pedo's dream look. The song's lyrics touched him. Sesshomaru's serious eyes only sweetened the truth. "Oh Sess."

_Good loving body rockin' knockin boots all night long, yeah_

_Making love until we're tired, till the break of come on_

_Oh come on and turn the lights down and let me get on it yeah_

_Cause when I do just me and you, it'll be so right_

Sesshomaru met his eyes, so awful and full of a grown man's need to illegally caress the skin of a teenager. The same look that sent officers' sirens off; it was just too sexy. One by one he sucked a long clawed digit in his mouth, swirling his tongue over the smooth surface like that lollipops. When Inuyasha innocently tilted his head to the side, he'd sealed his fate for tonight's destiny.

He was going to get molested tonight.

_Give me some good love (some body rockin, knockin da boots)_

_Give me some good love (some body rockin, knockin da boots)_

_Some body rockin baby, Give me some good love (some body rockin, knockin da boots)_

_That's all I need, I need, Give me some good love (some body rockin, knockin da boots)_

_Aww yea..right about now were in the intermission tip_

_So all you ladies go get your towels you know what im saying.._

_Hah..cause its laid out like that you know?_

_But wait a minute we aint through. kick the amp_.

_Woaahh oh ooohh_

_Ooooohh aww babe_

_I want your good touch baby_

_You hearin me my baby?_

_Its driving me crazy (some body rockin, knockin da boots)_

_So wontcha come on_

_Come and rock my body, rock my body baby_

_Go on and rock my body_

_Yeah, I wanna lay you down ( some body rockin knockin da boots)_

_So let me make some sweet love_

_(until fade)_

With those kiddie fingers still deep in his throat, Sesshomaru asked the question that was wedged deep in his heart. "Inuyasha?"

"Yes Sess?"

Sesshomaru stood, hands still in his and circled around to kneel beside Inuyasha's seat on one knee. "Will you—"

"What? What tell me!"

"Will you let me knock your boots tonight Love?" Sesshomaru reached up and stroked a long strand of hair to the side. "Will you let me knock 'em till dawn?"

Tears pearled lovingly in Inuyasha's eyes. "Yes," he choked and rushed to wrap his arms around Sesshomaru's neck, knocking them both to the floor. "Yes Sesshomaru, yes!"

Sesshomaru couldn't have been happier than he was now with his arms full of pure, hanyou innocence. His dreams were coming true. "Inuyasha. . ."

Inuyasha pulled back, his eyes a watery expression of yummy sweetness. "Oh Sess. . ."

"Inuyasha. . ."

". . .Sess"

"Inuyasha. . ."

". . .Sess"

'_Oh lord,'_ Charlotte wrote. '_Don't knock the child's boots on the floor.'_

Naraku couldn't find the off switch anywhere. He looked from his register but found nothing. "Koga go change the song to something else."

"Why do I hafta do it?" Koga grumbled. But he went and did as he was told. Little did he know, that that was the only song on replay today and Sesshomaru changed the password three times just in case Naraku wanted to kill his momentary bliss. Koga was gonna be back there for hours while the clever Sesshomaru showered some good loving on his puppy.

As Sesshomaru stood with child in hand, he turned Inuyasha's back to the window and returned an evil grin across the street at the fox who's piece of ass just stormed out the candy shop in a hissy fit, leaving a deflated Yoko childless and horny.

The Inuyoukai's maliciousness only increased when he choose that second to grab a handful of Inuyasha's ass and squeezed "Oh Sesshomaru,"—right when Yoko looked up to see that sweet tender morsel in his rival's arms, freely getting the molestation he wanted.

And to add insult to the poor fox's bruised ego, Inuyasha lead in for a kiss. Ohhhh if that wasn't breaking every natural law known to mankind. That kid's lips still had breast milk on 'em and here he was just giving it all away; along with a generous portion of his ass, molded in Sesshomaru's hands.

Sesshomaru opened his eyes, twinkling a sneaky glint that sent a confident message across the street to a fuming Yoko. _'Top that fox_.'

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><p><strong>TBC: I hope this is still funny guys. I think I'm drying up lol. To those who are just joining in because of high demand lol, This is corresponding to Kenny-Chan's 674 "Divine Crimes." In the Yu Yu Hakusho section. Please check it out lol. <strong>


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